Frank Mucci
A Pulitzer Prize-winning author and People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive for 2010, Frank likes to make up crap about himself. He will be honored later this year with the Nobel Prize for Literature.
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- 11/19/2006
Education/Experience
Ain t got none.Interests
4.25% 30-year fixedMotto
He who lives his life by a motto is probably an idiot
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Displaying Results 1 - 200 (of 203) for Yahoo! Voices
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Top Sex Scandals of 2011If the sex scandals of 2011 taught us anything, it’s that men are a bunch of sick pervs. OK, we already knew that.
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A White Man's Guide to the History of Rap MusicEverything a white man needs, and more. -
How to Write Right, Episode 6: Attack of the Killer C Cups!I know I promised I was done with this series, but every time I think I'm out, they pull me back in. -
Ugly Baseball PlayersPretty boys like Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez get to screw all the hot chicks. Ugly boys like the guys listed below get screwed in print by heartless bastards like me. -
Michele Bachmann: WaterlooneyJust weeks after noted historian Sarah Palin straightened us all out on how the whole Paul Revere thing really went down, Michele Bachmann has stepped to the forefront with her own version of little known historical facts. -
Observations on Pippa's Ass, Anthony's Weiner, and the Attack of the Liberal Mob!I observe what's going on in the world so that you don't have to. You owe me big time. -
The Midnight Ride of Sarah PalinThanks to John McCain, we've known for nearly three years now that Sarah Palin--a former beauty queen--has a grasp of American history somewhere on the same level of, oh, say your average beauty queen. -
Didja Miss Me?After a long hiatus, which is Latin for "rehab," I have returned to bring you more great stuff on even more great stuff. -
Clean Words that Sound Dirty, Chapter V: I Wonder Who's Faulkner NowAs you've probably gathered from the first four installments of my award-winning Clean Words That Sound Dirty series, I have a stunted maturity level, which comes in pretty handy for writing crap like this. -
Observations on Charlie Sheen, Donald Trump, Lindsay Lohan, and Other Media WhoresOnce again, I observe all the crazies so you don't have to. -
After 35 YearsTo the love of my life -
How to Write Right, Episode V: The Quest for a Shake WeightJust think of this as my way of using some previously published material from my award-winning "How to Write Right" series, republishing it, and piling up those coveted page views.
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Clean Words that Sound Dirty, Chapter IV: Attack of the Homo ErectiKind of like the kid in the film The Sixth Sense who sees dead people, I hear dirty words when other people don't. -
Assignment: Relax and Have a Few Beers Before My Afternoon NapI rarely receive specific assignments from the Associated Content Assignment Desk and I've always figured it's because I rank just above FOX "news" CHANNEL in providing accurate information. -
Observations on the 2011 Grammy AwardsLady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Eminem--I hate 'em all. -
Valentine's Day Gift Ideas for the Little WomanIt's just my little way of helping the male species get through what is for men the most intimidating, dreadful holiday on the calendar. -
American History, Part XIII: The Three Branches of GovernmentWith this, the 13th edition of my award-winning American History series, I will impart my great knowledge of our nation's long history with everything you ever wanted to know about our three branches of government. -
A Super Bowl Haiku from a Bitter Bears FanI hate the Packers. -
Violence: An American TraditionNone of us should have been shocked by the mass killings the other day because, sad to say, we are a sick, violent culture. -
Great Moments in Chicago Cubs History: Useless InformationFor more than 45 years, my itty-bitty brain has accumulated a large amount of useless crap from Cubs history. And it wants out! -
Hate Mail, I Get Hate MailIt's great to get positive feedback, but I really love it when I piss off some dipshit who stumbles upon one of my articles and feels moved to respond with anger and indignation. -
Top Sex Scandals of 2010Here for your consumption are the top sex scandals of 2010. Enjoy! -
Good Bye Ronnie, You Will Be Missed!This morning, Friday, December 3, 2010, I lost one of my baseball heroes. Ron Santo has died at age 70 of complications from bladder cancer. -
How to Write Right, Episode IV: The Final ChapterI bring you three final tips on how to crank out the kind of copy that will have your readers begging for more pictures of chicks in bikinis. -
Some States I Can Do WithoutBeing the pro-death kind of guy I am, I think it's time we take a wire coat hanger to a few of our 50 states. -
American History, Part XII: Manned (and Womanned) SpaceflightHaving found and conquered every square inch of the planet, we had no choice but to turn to outer space to satisfy that need to explore new frontiers and hopefully run their inhabitants off to celestial reservations. -
Bits and Pieces from the Writer's MorgueLike Dr. Frankenstein, I'm always sorting through the dead tissue to see if I can create a monster. -
Observations on Christine O'Donnell, Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, Multiple Wives, and Broken-Down Pieces of MeatI observe the crap so you don't have to. -
Great Moments in Chicago Cubs History: Lee Elia Goes Mother[Freakin'] NutsThe Cubs can frustrate the hell out of a fan like me, but imagine what it must be like for those whose livelihood depends on the team's success'"-like the manager of the team. -
American History, Part XI: A History of Homosexuality in AmericaImagine my surprise when I was approached by GLAAD to do a piece on the history of homosexuality in America as part of my award-winning American History series. -
Christine O'Donnell, I Think I Love You!Move over Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann and the gang. There's a new kid in town. Christine baby, show 'em what you got! -
Observations on FOX "news" CHANNEL, Religion, Glenn Beck, "The Situation," and Other Stupid CrapI observe so you don't have to. No charge. -
My Wife Doesn't Think I'm FunnyThat's right folks! My dear wife is not nearly as amused by my sparkling wit as other people seem to be. She's just in it for my rugged good looks, and my natural sexual magnetism and, of course, my man-thing. -
How to Write Right, Episode III: Revenge of the Punctuation MarksHere we will learn all about punctuation--an aspect of writing so important, I was inspired to post a photo of a whole new collection of college girls in bikinis.
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Great Moments in Chicago Cubs History: Merkle's BonerThose who've experienced it tell me winning a World Series is a great moment, so it seems appropriate that I open my soon to be highly-acclaimed Great Moments in Chicago Cubs History series with an article on that 1908 Cubs team. -
Baseball Book Review: Ball Four, by Jim BoutonIn revealing the game's warts, Jim Bouton breaks a longstanding unwritten rule of baseball: What happens here stays here. -
American History, Part X: The Women's MovementFew men on this planet have studied the way women move more closely than I have, so who's better qualified to write about the Women's Movement? -
How to Write Right, the Sequel: Return of the Drunken College Girls in BikinisFrom the Man Who Gave You "How to Write Right" Comes Another Excuse to Post a Picture of Hot Girls in Bikinis!
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How to Write RightOne way I can show the world just what a great writer I am is by sharing my vast knowledge of writing.
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Evolution of a Cubs FanThe first rule of being a Cubs fan: If you wish to maintain your sanity, never, ever expect victory. Ever! Hey, I'm talking to you stupid! -
Baseball During World War II: Give Us Your Old, Your Young, Your DisabledBaseball was desperate. A large number of the game's greatest players had been called to arms to fight in World War II and major league team owners were left scrambling to fill their depleted rosters with any warm bodies they could find. -
Observations on Stuff like Sex Poodles, Hot Russian Spies, Blankets, and of Course, Sarah PalinMore crap about even more crap from the man who observes all the crap so you don't have to.
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American History, Part IX: Little Known Facts About the Invasion of GrenadaRead along with me as together we learn all about some country we supposedly invaded back in the '˜80s. -
A Purple Haiku Contest Entry that Rhymes, Which May or May Not Be Permitted by the Haiku Police Depending on Who You BelieveBecause I'll do anything for a chance to win $100. -
Fourth of July Crafts from a Freakin' GeniusInstructions on how to build two wonderful decorations that will show your friends and family that if you smoke enough dope, you'll do just about anything you're told. -
A Surfing Poem from the Same Idiot Who Wrote the Soccer PoemAfter reading this poem, you ladies will finally understand why my wife puts up with me. -
A Soccer Poem from an IdiotI suck at poetry and I don't know much about soccer, so I figured what the hell, this sounds like it's right up my alley! -
Observations on Sarah Palin's Implants and Other Big BoobsWhat do Karl Rove and Pelicans have in common? -
Little Known Facts About Father's DayFew men on this planet are better qualified to talk about Father's Day than yours truly. After all, I was raised by a father, currently am a father, and have spawned a father. Who else can say that? -
Five Good Things About Glenn BeckI will now take on the daunting task of finding five good things about Fox "News" Channel's Glenn Beck. [Caution: I am a trained professional. Do not try this at home!] -
Breaking News: Al Gore Tells Oprah Why He Dumped TipperAl Gore reveals on Oprah the shocking details of his torrid year-long love affair with...? -
YAHOO! I've Found Job SecurityIn case you've been hiding under a rock or living on another planet--or maybe you just have a real life--you may not have heard that YAHOO! is buying Associated Content. YAHOO! -
American History, Part VIII: Little Known Facts About All Kinds of CrapLincoln's head, The Monroe Doctrine, The Boston Tea Party, William "Fat Bastard" Taft, The Missouri Compromise, Manifest Destiny, and Miss USA. It's all there! -
Best of AC: Humor Award Acceptance SpeechYou might think a guy who has won a Pulitzer Prize and has been named People magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive" wouldn't care much about an award like BEST OF AC: HUMOR. -
American History, Part VII: Little Known Facts About Lewis & ClarkPresented here for your enjoyment is a list of little known facts about Lewis & Clark--facts that are so little known, I don't even know what they will be as I write these words. -
Little Known Facts About Mother's DayFew men on this planet are better qualified to talk about Mother's Day than yours truly. After all, I was raised by a mother, currently live with a mother, and have spawned a mother. Who else can say that? -
Gay or Straight: How Do I Know What I Am?There are no gay people, just confused people. That's right! We are all straight, which is all part of God's plan to populate the planet with stupid people. So far, so good. -
I Am a Writing WhoreLike a pimp, I've had to prostitute myself out to other content providers. -
A Typical Night at Work: Polish Cleaning Ladies, Vibrators, Smokers and Shots of JackI work nights where my only human contact is mainly with the Polish cleaning people and the voices in my head. -
A Traveler's Guide to Places I've Never Visited: Washington, D.CLet's pretend I know all about Washington D.C. If that were true, this is the kind of crap I'd probably want you to know. -
Observations on How Sarah Palin Helped Me See the Light, Plus Stuff About Pedophiles, Clowns and Ladies with Fat AssesI used to be one of those silly liberals. Then Sarah Palin came along and showed me the error of my ways. -
Observations on Pro-Lifers, Dancing Astronauts, Tattooed Daredevils and Other CrapAnd by "other crap," I mean Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Texas. -
Poems About Genital Herpes and Other Helpful CrapAs thanks to the mother ship for having kept me rolling in pennies for the past couple of years, I have come up with some suggestions for a few other content requests to be added to the Assignment Desk. -
An Interview with My Dark SideRecently, I had a chance to sit down and have a chat with my dark side and as you will soon find out, he lives under the illusion that he controls me. -
Tips for the Married Man on How to Have a Successful MarriageThe fact that a guy like me can have a successful marriage is pretty amazing. So I will now let you in on a few important tips I've followed for more than three decades that have kept our marriage going and my sorry ass out of homeless shelters. -
The 10 Hottest First Ladies of the United StatesBehind every great man is a great woman. As it turns out the behinds of some of those great women were pretty damn great too! -
Oh Canada!Don't get me wrong--I love the good old U-S-of-A. It's my home and I feel lucky to have been born here. But I'm thinking Canada wouldn't be such a bad place to live either. -
Observations on the Winter OlympicsTaking a look at, among other things, hockey vs. ice dancing, smoking weed, and my two new loves: curling and Lindsey.
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What is Fun at Work Day? It's Hilarious Mayhem!You have "fun" and you have "work" and unless you're employed in the porn industry, I don't really see those two words connected in any way. -
The 20 Greatest Beatles Songs of All TimeI originally wrote this article as an assignment for another online publication and received a rejection email. Screw 'em! I'll publish it here. -
Observations on Idiots, Incontinence, and Other StuffMore crap about more crap. -
Beer: It's a GasMy St. Patrick's Day Limerick Contest Entry -
Caddyshack: It's in the Hole!Combine the stunted mental growth of males with their love for games and you end up with the wild popularity among men of a film like Caddyshack. -
My Top Ten Baseball Songs of All TimeSome of my favorite baseball songs make me want to put on my baseball cap, grab my glove and run out onto the field. Then I remember I'm in my 50s and instead I lay back in my recliner and take a nap.
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Dealing with Writer's Block? Plagiarize!It seems like whenever I have trouble trying to come up with something to write about, an idea just falls into my lap and the next thing I know I'm sitting at the keyboard banging out some of my usual spectacular work.
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Reality TV: Getting Your Freak OnThere are TV shows all over the cable dial featuring real people with strange physical or emotional problems that serve to satisfy that need we all have of watching freaks. -
Disaster in Haiti Brings Out the Worst in SomeFortunately, most thinking Americans are not followers of Rush Limbaugh or Pat Robertson and respond to the calamities of other humans with concern, sympathy and a willingness to help in any small way that they can.
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Confessions of a Recovering CathoholicWhenever anyone asks me what my religion is, I always say I am a recovering Cathoholic. I just say this for laughs because in truth I recovered immediately the day I left. -
Even More Clean Words that Sound DirtyAs you may have learned from the previous articles of this series, there are a lot of words in the English language that are in fact perfectly innocent but to the ear of a guy like me immediately bring sex to mind. -
A Brief History of the End of the WorldPeople who have supposedly evolved far beyond caveman status have been shouting, "Last call!" for years and years. Here's a look at a few of them. -
Getting Strung Out on C(au)lorsBeing the good husband, I always try to help out my wife whenever I can. But I work under a major handicap: I'm male. -
Holiday Haiku: A Weighty IssueSome food for thought. -
An Open Christmas Newsletter to All My FriendsAnother amazing year has come and gone, and thanks to God's glory, I am still as spry and ornery as ever. So I thought I would share the details of the past year with all of my dear friends. -
Merry Christmas? Happy Holidays? Here's One: Stop Your Bitching!It's started up again. Crazies from both sides of the Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays wars are at it again this year. -
A Mathematical Analysis of Wilt the StiltWilt Chamberlain claimed to have had sex with 20,000 women. Here, I will use my amazing mathematical skills to determine if that was possible. -
Tiger Woods' Top 10 New Year's Resolutions for 2010Because I am such a trusted confidant, I have Tiger's permission to share his New Year's resolutions with you now. -
The Top Sex Scandals of 2009Nothing makes me happier than a nice, juicy sex scandal. This, of course, is partly because I'm a perv with a junior high school mentality. -
Turkey Haiku: All Choked UpDon't fowl up your Thanksgiving--chew your turkey well. -
A Hairy Situation: My Brush with Becoming a Respectable Content ProducerRight there before my eyes was the assignment I'd been waiting for all my life: "Top 5 Hair Removal Techniques for Better Sex." -
Random Thoughts as I Watch the CMA AwardsJoin me as I throw on my cowboy hat, slip on my boots, sit back naked in my recliner, spit tobacco and watch the CMAs. -
Bad Christmas SongsI enjoy most Christmas tunes, but there a few that make me want to slam my car into the nearest live nativity scene. -
Meeting the Maria Roth Challenge, Part III:"Religous" Christmas CraftsThis year I have developed two wonderful "religous" Christmas craft ideas that are sure to give you and your family a couple minutes of fun! -
Little Known Facts About HalloweenI have compiled a number of little known facts about the holiday most responsible for America being overrun with overweight, hyper, obnoxious kids. -
Random Thoughts from an Angry AmericanI'm normally very mild-mannered, but every once in a while I get tired of stupid people and I have to let it out. Here are some random thoughts on various individuals and issues that dominate our screwed up culture. -
Meeting the Maria Roth Challenge, Part II: How I Cured My Hemorrhoids with Marijuana and BeerI have accepted Maria Roth's challenge and will now provide a day-by-day recap of how I cured my hemorrhoids with marijuana and beer. -
Maria Roth: What is She and Where Did She Come From?Because I am a bit of an authority on all things Maria Roth, I will now answer some of the most often asked questions about Maria. -
Was This Helpful? I Hope Not!Associated Content has come up with yet another system for readers to rate articles with just one easy click. A "WAS THIS HELPFUL?" button complete with a "Thumbs Up" image appears above each article. -
A Traveler's Guide to Places I've Never Visited: The Great Wall of ChinaWhy the hell anyone would travel thousands of miles to see a wall is beyond me, but I read online that around ten million people visit the Great Wall of China each year. -
Behind the Music: The ArchiesThey burst onto the music scene like no cartoon charcters since Pebbles & Bamm-Bamm first rocked the Hollyrock Palace with Let the Sunshine In way back in 1965. They were a group of five dedicated young musicians. They were The Archies. -
More Clean Words that Sound DirtyAfter reading this you will better understand why you must choose your words more carefully when talking to sick and perverted guys like me. -
A History of Drugs and Alcohol in America...Oh, And a Little Sex TooEver since the beginning of time, alcoholic beverages and mind-altering drugs have played key roles in the proliferation of human life, for without them, most of us would never, ever get laid. -
Hide the Children! Obama to Brainwash Your KidsIn case you haven't heard, President Obama is planning to brainwash our children! That's right-he is going to speak online to America's school kids on September 8. -
How to Install a Hot TubI don't know how to do anything anyone else would want to know how to do. I would, however, like to see how many page views I can get. So here for your consumption is some valuable information on how to install a hot tub. -
A Woman's Guide to Men, Part II: Everything ElseIn Part I, we already talked about male sexuality. Here in the second and final chapter of A Woman's Guide to Men, we will look at all the other things that make you wonder what the hell is wrong with the idiot you love. -
Facebook Groups: One Million Idiots Can't Be WrongThere are literally thousands of Facebook groups that cover everything from political figures like Barack Obama and Sarah Palin, to entertainers like those pain-in-the-ass Twilight kids, to people who just enjoy pissing in the shower.
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A Traveler's Guide to Places I've Never Visited: Mt. RushmoreIn this edition of A Traveler's Guide, we will take a look at what is believed to be the only reason they bothered putting roads in South Dakota. -
A Traveler's Guide to Places I've Never Visited: The Grand CanyonHere is a list of little known facts about the hole Kurt Cobain probably should have married. -
Barack Obama: The Messiah? More like Hitler, the Joker, a Foreigner and a Socialist All Rolled into One!I thought I had voted for the Messiah but as it turns out Barack Obama is another Adolf Hitler who looks like The Joker and is a crazy socialist born in a foreign land bent on bringing down America! -
Child Pornography: Behind Every Picture There's PainWe all go through our daily lives aware that in the deepest, darkest corners of the world, others experience unspeakable horror.
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Flash Fiction Contest Entry: Finally Catching Some ZsFernando opened the door and everything changed. -
A Woman's Guide to Men, Part I: Male SexualityMake yourself a pitcher of Margaritas and sit back and relax as I will tell you everything you ever wanted to know about men and sex. -
Woodstock: What is it and Where Did it Come From?Note: For full comprehension of what you are about to read, a couple drags of weed are highly recommended. -
Even More Dumbasses Who Can Go AwayHere is the latest collection of pains-in-the-ass who can go spend eternity dead. -
How to Lose Friends in 10 Days: Amish Friendship BreadOne of the many things that's just gotta be good because it's Amish is a recipe for something called "Amish Friendship Bread." -
Sex: What is it and Where Did it Come From?Caution: If after reading this, you experience an erection lasting longer than four hours, contact a physician immediately! -
American History, Part VI: Little Known Facts About Christopher ColumbusHere are a bunch of little known facts about the man for whom we hold such great regard, we named the land he discovered after Amerigo Vespucci. -
Observations on the Queen of Alaska and the King of PopCaution: If you live in a fantasy world and are offended by the truth, DO NOT READ THIS! If, on the other hand, you prefer to cut through the BS, come take a walk with me on the dark side... -
American History, Part V: Little Known Facts About the Declaration of IndependenceAny idiot who made it through grade school knows all the basic facts about the Declaration of Independence. Here are some little known facts. -
Finding My WaySometimes it takes a while. -
American History, Part IV: More Screwin' AroundPresidents aren't the only members of American politics who have been caught planting their seeds in someone else's garden. -
American History, Part III: Presidential Extramarital AffairsHere for your enjoyment is a list of some of the most distinguished residents of the White House and the special ladies who helped them bring a whole new meaning to the words "domestic affairs." -
American History, Part II: Amending the Constitution or "Oops! We Forgot Some Things"Read this and you'll see that Congress liked to go on-and-on with rambling amendments that were no doubt designed in a manner to keep the American people from knowing what the hell the bastards were up to. -
Pluggin' it Forward (or Backward)As thanks to those of you who have helped get my byline into the consciousness of more readers, it is time for me to plug it forward--OK, it's technically backward, but you get the idea.
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American History, Part I: The Bill of RightsWithout rights America would be nothing more than Mexico with safe drinking water and cooler weather. -
The Pope: What is it and Where Did it Come From?I have put together a list of the most commonly asked questions along with answers that will surely help you see why I am never again allowed to enter a confessional or dip my fingers into holy water. -
Observations on Dick Cheney, Katy Perry, Socialism, and Going Bottomless--Among Other ThingsI have accumulated a large pile of crap in the corner of my brain that needs to either be tossed out or sold in a garage sale. Here are a few items going real cheap. -
More People We Can EliminateHere's the latest list of turds who need to be flushed down the crapper of life.
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Swine Flu: What is it and Where Did it Come From?This handy Q & A should answer any questions you may have about what is likely to be the deadliest disease to hit the world since the Bird Flu epidemic a couple years ago that killed a shitload of birds. -
An Unsung HeroSome individuals engage in activities that better represent the teachings of Christ than the actions of many of those who call themselves Christians. One of these individuals is my wife.
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The Rest of My Life: The First 100 DaysIt has officially been 100 days since I declared the beginning of the rest of my life. It is time to take a look back at the first 100 days of the rest of my life.
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Texas: What is it and Where Did it Come From?I don't know a goddamn thing about Texas. As a result, this article will be nothing more than just a few made up questions with made up answers that may or may not be somewhat accurate. -
Tips for the Married Man on Picking Up ChicksI know a thing or two about pretending to know how to pick up chicks. -
Cinco De Mayo: What is it and Where Did it Come From?I know probably as much about Cinco de Mayo as anyone else who likes to make up crap and publish it as if he were an expert. -
Why I Don't Write PoetryThere is a general assumption that a writer can write anything. Not true.
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Noah's Ark: What is it and Where Did it Come From?I have compiled some of the most often asked questions about Noah's Ark with answers that will surely help you see that Mother Goose has nothing on the Big Guy in the Sky. -
My Five FreebiesTo reward ourselves for years of fidelity, my wife and I recently decided to allow each other a freebie list of five celebrities we are allowed to sleep with. Here is my list...
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Writing is My ReleaseThe beautiful thing about banging away at a keyboard is that I am able to be whoever I want to be.
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More People I HateI continue to come across obnoxious turds who make me want to throw the remote through my TV screen.
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Earth Day: What is it and Where Did it Come From?Read this and you'll be armed with enough knowledge about the environment to piss off your friends who will begin referring to you as "that goddamn, tree-hugging pain-in-the-ass." -
Great Movies of the '80s: ScarfaceNo one better understands what America is about than Tony Montana. Work hard and smart and you will be rewarded with more symbols of wealth than you really need.
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Some People Who Can Go Bye-ByeI am normally a mild mannered man, but thanks to television, my patience is wearing thin and my hatred for certain individuals grows stronger each day. -
St. Patrick's Day: What is it and Where Did it Come From?I know a thing or two about the one day each year everyone pretends there is something special about being Irish. -
The '70s: What the Hell Were We Thinking?It is highly unlikely that any decade in American history ever produced more objectionable clothes, hairstyles, music, or home decorating than the 1970s. -
The Apostles: What Are They and Where Did They Come From?As a service to any of you unfamiliar with The Lord's 12-headed band of crazy followers, I have compiled and answered some of the most often asked questions about these mysterious fellows. -
Valentine's Day: What is it and Where Did it Come From?I have compiled some of the most often asked questions about Valentine's Day by some of the dumbest men in the world. -
My Wife: The Parking Lot NaziMy wife's list of pet peeves is not terribly unusual; she has the same annoyances as most anyone else. It is her reaction that I find both amusing and at times a little unsettling. -
Kansas and Kenya: What Are They and Where Did They Come From?As part of my continuing "What is it and Where did it Come From?" series, I will attempt to educate you the reader about these two mysterious places.
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New Year's Day: What is it and Where Did it Come From?I have put together some of the most commonly asked questions about New Year's Day along with answers that hopefully will clear up some of the mystery. -
Sarah Palin: Top Ten New Year's Resolutions for 2009I consider myself fortunate to count Sarah Palin as one of my closest friends. Here for your enjoyment are her 2009 resolutions exactly as she related them to me.
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Memorable Super Bowl Halftime MomentsWe have been treated to some rather memorable Super Bowl halftime moments. Here are some of the best. -
My Favorite ThingsNot to be outdone by Oprah, I will now share with you a list of those things that I have come to value more than my booger collection.
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Thanksgiving: What is it and Where Did it Come From?As a service to you, I would like to take this time to make up answers to some of the most often asked questions about Thanksgiving.
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A Perfect 10: My Own CommandmentsI have pretty much tossed the Ten Commandments aside and replaced them with my own set of rules.
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The Big Flap Over Same-Sex MarriageAs a bona fide heterosexual who inserts flap A into slot B anytime my wife lets me, I realize that there is something special about a relationship between two people who have absolutely no idea what the other one is thinking. -
Bye-Bye Sarah, Say "Hey!" to the Russians for UsAs I sit here, tears falling on my keyboard, a lump in my throat, I would like to take a few moments to say goodbye to The Divine Sarah. -
More Dumb Songs: The Trucker EraThe '60s and '70s, in particular, represent an era when songs about guys driving trucks and talking on CB radios were all the rage. Here are just a few of the suckiest... -
Breaking News: John McCain Endorses Barack ObamaFollowing in the footsteps of such prominent Republicans as Colin Powell, Christopher Buckley and Susan Eisenhower, John McCain has officially announced that he is throwing his support to Democratic candidate Barack Obama. -
Bigotry Made EasyHere is a quick lesson on how to judge people without having to deal with the whole "listening and paying attention to them" thing.
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Barack Obama Palling Around with Bill Ayers? Hey That's My Job!Pardon me if I sound pissed, but I just found out that I have been cheated on. -
Sarah Palin: Small Town, Small MindI hope you can hear the anger in my voice when I say that I have had enough of this Sarah Palin person! -
Red States, Blue States, Dumb States, Smart StatesWhat is up with this blue state and red state crap they always talk about around election time? -
An Angry Cubs Fan Says Goodbye...AgainI sincerely doubt that the Cubs will ever win a championship in my lifetime; and because of this, I have become a bitter, cranky, old man. -
Sarah Palin: Bitch-slapped by Katie CouricI watched with expectations of some wonderful angry-chick-on-angry-chick action. No such luck. -
Alaska: What is it and Where Did it Come From?Here are the answers to some of the most commonly asked questions about the home of Sarah Palin. -
Sarah Palin: You Damn Near Had Me!She nearly had me. Then I came to my senses.
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Sarah Palin: Family Values and Teen PregnancyToday, I found a reason to be happy about the selection of Sarah Palin as John McCain's running mate. -
Who Said That?: The Wit and Wisdom of Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin, and George W. BushHere are 15 quotes from three of my favorite cartoon characters. Your mission is to match each quote with the one who said it.
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Dumb Songs: The Teen Tragedy EraSome of the most popular songs of the 1960s involved teens splattered across America's highways. Here are just a few...
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Ten Reasons to Vote for John McCainAs November nears, many voters are asking themselves, "Who's this McCain guy, and why the hell should I vote for him?" Here are ten reasons why. -
Exclusive! My Interview with John McCain and Barack ObamaI was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to interview both Senators McCain and Obama and would like to share that interview with you.
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George Carlin: The Class Clown Has Left the BuildingWhen one of your heroes ceases to exist; it is hard to "think funny." -
Some Things that Are Older Than John McCainAs a man in his mid-fifties, I thoroughly enjoy making fun of old people.
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Eight Great Father's Day Gifts for the Dad Who Has EverythingIf you are tired of giving Dad the same old crap year-after-year, here's some other crap you can get him.
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Poker After Dark? Might as Well Go All-InSeems we Americans just can't get enough of watching other people play cards.
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Battle of the Crazy-Assed ChristiansThe list of nutcase Christian ministers is endless, so I have narrowed it down to ten of my favorites. See which of these fine gentlemen will win the coveted Jerry Falwell Crazy-Assed Christian Award.
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Piling On: Another George W. Bush is an Idiot ArticleBecause I just can't help myself.
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An A-to-Z Review of George W. Bush, Amateur PresidentAs our long national nightmare slowly winds to a close, let's take a fond look back at the eight-year funfest that has become better known as the presidency of Dumb-Ass.
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My Bucket ListYou never know when the doctor will somberly tell you, "Better get your shit together buddy. You're going bye-bye."
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Some of the Dumbest Song Lyrics Ever WrittenThere are way too many songs with dumb lyrics to go through them all. But here are a few that make me want to hunt down the dimwits who wrote these songs, grab them by the throat, and smack the crap out of them.
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Just Wondering..Questions. I've got lots of questions.
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Nine Clean Words that Sound DirtyDirty is in the ear of the beholder.
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The Sad Tale of Mr. HappyDetails of an affliction every man is familiar with.
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Where Have All the Protest Songs Gone?An appreciative look back at an era when the social climate and popular music were united as one.
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Five Ways to Improve Major League BaseballThe men running the show have messed up the game of baseball. Time to clean it up. -
2008 Baseball Predictions You Won't Hear Anywhere ElseI was born with a gift. I can see the future and what I see for the 2008 baseball season should make it one of the wildest years ever. Clip and save.
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A Love StoryLove has no boundaries. It requires no explanations. It is intangible, yet real. And it waits on no one.
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Ranking the Presidents of the United StatesA comprehensive ranking, top to bottom, of the leaders of The Free World.
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Ten Tips for Making a Ten-Item ListHere is a ten-item list of important things to remember when creating a ten-item list.
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Five Unexpected Super Bowl PerformancesThe Super Bowl is usually dominated by big name stars; but sometimes it is the no name guys who make the biggest impact.
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Five Good Things About Ann CoulterShe is sweet, adorable and compassionate. She is Ann Coulter. I am lying.
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Anatomy of a DreamWith Martin Luther King Day approaching, it is time to take a look at the outstanding oratorical style of Dr. King. -
The Fab TenA personal list of the top ten Beatles songs of all time. -
The Human Anatomy, Part V: Let's Get it OnNow that we've wallowed through all the boring stuff, let's close out with a bang! -
The Human Anatomy, Part IV: On the Organ TrailWe humans are filled with organs. -
The Human Anatomy, Part III: It Takes a Lot of NerveWithout a nervous system, we humans would be rendered even more useless than we already are. -
The Human Anatomy, Part II: Muscle-aneus InformationWithout muscles, we humans would be nothing more than skeletons covered in skin. Kind of like Nicole Richie. -
The Human Anatomy, Part I: Bonin' Up on Dem BonesThe human anatomy is made up of lots of stuff. The stuff that keeps us from melting into a big pile of goo seems pretty important, so let's start there. -
Five Good Things About George W. BushIt's easy to come up with a list of bad things about the President. Me? I like a challenge. -
Grey's Anatomy Season Finale: A Guide to Messed Up RelationshipsThe season finale of ABC's popular TV drama Grey's Anatomy has but one message: If you want a happy relationship, don't be on this show! -
Ten Reasons Baseball RulesBaseball, football, basketball, hockey, and soccer dominate the landscape of American team sports. Baseball is the greatest of them all. Here's why.