Crystal Wergin
I've considered myself a writer ever since I locked myself in the bathroom when I was six years old to write a song. We had a family of six and a one-bathroom house, so I had to work fast. I then went on to write a poem about George Washington in first grade which got hung in the hallway (only special things were hung in the hallway) and the rest is history. I've written mostly humor over the years, was syndicated in 21 newspapers in a few states, and now I have a few blogs. I'm currently working towards a degree in psychology and loving every minute I spend with my 20-month-old grandson. I should start a blog about him, too.
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- Contributor since
- 12/29/2006
Education/Experience
Currently majoring in psychology and creative writing at the University of Wisconsin.Motto
Honesty is always the best policy.Favorites
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Displaying Results 1 - 100 (of 100) for Yahoo! Voices
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Cookie, a MemoirPoignant memoir of a sometimes perfect childhood
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The Secret to Writing Fiction -- Just Do It!Personal essay about one writer's jump into the foreign and intimidating genre of fiction.
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Workshopping My MemoirMemoir writing for Creative Writing class
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When College Classes CollideLighthearted essay about mother and daughter attempting to coordinate college classes and childcare duties.
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Sometimes Flying First Class Results in Poopy FlightHumorous essay about the how a frequent-pooper gets himself noticed in business class.
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Confessions of a Wisconsin Ex-Public Sector Union EmployeeEssay about one ex-public sector union employee's personal experience with the union.
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Despite Mom's Best Efforts, She Finds Her Way to the Mayo ClinicHumorous essay about a how a mother and daughter find their way to the Mayo Clinic despite mother repeatedly offering wrong directions.
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Ten Things to Know Before Visiting the Mayo ClinicTen informative tips on navigating the Mayo Clinic, in Rochester, MN -- from how to get an appointment to how to shorten your stay by using the "checker" system.
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Who's Harder Than a Fifth-Grader?Satire humor debating which is harder -- teaching fifth-graders, or baby-sitting the teacher's one-year-old.
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Why My Grandson Insists He's Charlie Sheen's SonHumorous story about a 21-month-old who thinks Charlie Sheen is his "daddy."
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The Hidden Dangers of High Fructose Corn SyrupSome basic information about high fructose corn syrup and its possible health threats.
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Skip the Gym and Take Mom ShoppingTongue-in-cheek essay about the health benefits of power shopping with an elderly parent.
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Good Bye Organic? I Hardly Knew Ye!Essay on the possible consequences of the USDA allowng farmers to grow genetically engineered food.
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Uncle Sam Doesn't Gamble on Errant Sneezes in Las VegasHumorous account of Las Vegas tourist's reaction to the health department closing down part of her favorite buffet due to inadequate sneeze guards.
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Why Going Organic Could Be the Best Health Decision You Ever MakePersonal essay on why eating organic food is good for your health.
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One Class, One Catalog, One Friend -- so Far so GoodLighthearted essay about challenges facing a grandmother returning to college after 20 year absence.
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The Tragedy of Canine Patent Ductus ArteriosisInformative essay about how one family endured the death of theier dog due to patent ductus arteriosis. -
They Say It's Never Too Late to Go Back to School -- I Hope I'm Not About to Prove "They" WrongA "fifty-something" grandma decides to go back to school to complete her degree, three decades after first starting college
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Anticipating, and Reminiscing, "The Road Trip"Poignant essay anticipating upcoming road trip while remembering a previous rode trip that included a trip to Canada on the heels of 9-11.
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What Really Happened Between Me and Mick Jones in the ElevatorHumorous true account of a baby boomer's chance meeting with Foreigner's founder and lead guitarist Mick Jones in an elevator, and all of the things she now wishes she had said.
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When Flying Takes Guts - LiterallyTongue-in-cheek essay about one traveler's experience with having to surrender her toiletry products at the airport.
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Indiana Wants Me - Lord I Can't Go Back ThereHumorous personal experience essay about one woman's frustrating experience with the "new" but not improved Indiana Toll Road.
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Transition from Cruise Ship to Land Excursion Not Always a Smooth OneHumorous account of a failed cruise vacation land excursion.
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A Gay Time Will Be Had by All on the Royal Caribbean All-Gay CruiseHumorous essay in which traveler admits that she'd rather party with gays than heterosexuals while on vacation.
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Winning in Vegas is Sometimes as Simple as Not Choking to Death at Your Slot MachineHumorous essay about how one gambler found good fortune in the person sitting next to her when she started choking. -
All Good Things Must Come to an AbbreviationHumorous article about one woman's resistance to change as she ages not-so-gracefully.
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Warning: Sharing Luggage May Result in a Commando SituationHumorous article about how sharing a suitcase with her husband resulted in woman accidentally leaving her underwear behind.
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Cousins May Drift Apart, but the Love Stays ForeverTwo cousins reconnect after one is diagnosed with cancer. -
Help May Be on the Way for Credit CardholdersOverview of H.R.522 hearings, the pending credit card bill.
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This Dog Takes the Cake - LiterallyHumorous account of a dog-sitting adventure that resulted in the dog eating a birthday cake.
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Shoveling is Keeping Wisconsinites Busier Than a Yooper Lawyer in JuneHumorous article tying snowy winters to a high divorce rate
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Warning: Some Images May Be Distrurbing to the Sensitive ReaderHumorous essay about the ups and downs of a hair trigger nausea reflex.
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Proper Etiquette Takes a Snooze on the Red EyeHumorous essay about how good manners seem to take a back seat on midnight flights.
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Love Isn't Always a One-Way DoorTongue-in-cheek essay about the slag heap of relationships six women in one family leave behind.
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I Have Proof that Hollywood Stars Read Associated ContentEssay about an unexpected phone call from a Hollywood star.
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A Little Bathroom HumorHumorous acount of one woman's nightmare come true when the bathroom door swings open while she's seated in a public restroom.
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The Case of the Missing LungHumorous essay about elderly mother not knowing when or where she "misplaced" part of her lung.
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Girlhood Friends ForeverEssay about the loss of a girlhood best friend.
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'Twas the Fight Before ChristmasHumorous paraody on the classic poem, "'Twas the Night Before Christmas"
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Wisecracking Senior Finds Captive Audience During Doctors VisitsHumorous essay filled with wisecracks made by a blunt senior citizen to medical personnel during medical exams.
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Not Exactly Politically Connected, but Close EnoughCouple finds out they have the same last name as the state senator where they vacation - and discover that it doesn't hurt.
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The Housekeeper Who Stole ChristmasHumorous account of how running out of toilet paper on Christmas day broke up a family Christmas vacation a day early.
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Texting Doesn't Always Send the Very BestHumorous look at why standard cell phone quick notes fall short.
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I Left My Keys in San FranciscoHow I got de-magnetized out of my room in my gym suit at a swank hotel.
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Hey Bon Jovi, I'll Settle Your Debt for Two Front Row TicketsTongue-in-cheek "inside scoop" about a little known ten dollar debt Bon Jovi still owes to rocker friend.
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The Skies Are Friendlier Without MeHumorous essay by writer who was groomed to become a flight attendant by her mother, but admits she never became one because she's too mean.
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Sisters Rise to Heights of Famous Acting DuoHumorous essay about two rural sisters who find themselves unable to successfully travel one floor on an elevator.
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Staying Abreast of Girl TalkHumorous essay about one woman's journey to making peace with her breasts, and the secret underworld of women conversing about the "girls" with one another.
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Why Boomers Should Leave the Butt Crack Movement BehindHumorous essay on the hazards of boomers wearing low-rise pants
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How To Successfully Work Out of Your HomeSatirical abastract of do's and don'ts for those who work at home.
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How I Survived Shopping Cart Rage in the Grocery Store Parking LotTrue and humorous account of how one woman's clutzy behavior with her shopping cart, and a spring-loaded rental car door almost got her beat up in the grocery store parking lot.
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How to Deal with ClaustrophobiaHumorous account of one woman's coming clean about her fear of tight spaces.
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Fat Gap: Watching One's Fat Has Become the New Generation GapOne mother's humorous take on the younger generation's fear of eating and fat
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Scratch and Win -- the Pie's the Limit!Humorous true account of how the writer and her husband won 11 pies in a Las Vegas promotion.
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Hearts Connected by a CookbookPoignant ssay about how an old cookbook keeps a granddaughter connected to her grandmother and discovers their shared love of baking.
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The Last SnowfallPoignant tribute to a snow-loving German Shepherd who passed while away playing in the first snowfall of 2006.
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Missing Word Can Be a Pain in the KeisterSatirical letter to editor explaining how a missing "but" changed the meaning of a sentence.
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March is National Humorists Are Artists Month (HAMM)Humorists tongue-in-cheek essay eschewing the stuffy title of "artist."
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Are You a Self-checkout Doofus?Questionnaire quickly reveals whether you are mentally adept enough to use the self-checkout line at the grocery store.
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Would You like Meat on that Burger?Tongue-in-cheek account of fast food foul-ups.
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This Car Just Doesn't Know When to Fold 'EmOne woman's frustrating attempt to diagnose stubborn, stuck-up Wipers.
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February - A Month You Can Really Sink Your Teeth IntoTongue-in-cheek listing of all the depressing "holidays" in February that make it the cruelest month, including National Toothache Day.
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Tale of a Bungled Mouse KIllingHilarious account of a couple who find a live mouse in a mousetrap and how they finally managed to catch and release it.
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How Credit Card Fraud Got Us Kicked Out of a Popular Hotel ChainWry account of how a vacationing couple shows up at a popular hotel chain only to find out that their luxury suite has been given away due to being victims of credit card fraud.
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Warming Up to Global WarmingTongue-in-cheek case for why we should all appreciate global warming more.
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To Flush or Not to Flush?One woman's story of plugging up an entire cruise ship's plumbing system.
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What Whippersnappers Reap from Our Growing ForgetfulnessSatirical look at how young people are benefitting from an aging generation's forgetfulness by way of finding stuff they leave behind in shopping carts, etc.
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Some Dogs Are a Strange BreedWry essay by dog owner who knows her dog is strange, and hangs a sign by her door that says so.
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Time for a Fake Tan? Don't Sweat It!Humorous account of a first time spray-on tan fiasco.
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Ask a Stupid Question: Confessions of an Internet Q&A LiarInternet circulated personality inventory evokes some typical answers -- and then the truth!
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All Dogs Go to Heaven...EventuallyOne woman's plans for the future that don't include the dog.
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Why People Over 40 Shouldn't Go CampingMakes a humorous case for why people over 40 are too forgetful to go camping.
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My Sentiments Exactly: Greeting Card Verses for the Newly DumpedSatirical samples of greeting cards that would be apprpriate for a woman after a breakup.
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Why I'm Often Called the B-WordOne woman comes to terms with her bitchhood.
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Dude, Where's My Dell?Tongue in cheek play by play account of one customer's eternal on-hold experience with Dell's customer seervice department.
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Beware of Dumbbells When TravelingTongue-in-cheek story about a couple getting a room right below the fitness cneter.
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Are You a Drunk?Satirical take on a standard "are you an questionnaire" inventory.
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The Dangers of Nasal Spray Are Nothing to Sneeze AtHumorous account of an unsuccessful attempt at using a nasal spray pump.
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Football Season is Here - Let's Bring Our Happy VoicesSatirical essay on getting seated next to loudmouths at a fooball game.
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The World is Idyllic with a Full Set of AcrylicsA humorous essay on one woman's introduction to te world of fake nails.
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A Tom Jones Groupie Braves the Illinois Tollway SystemHumorous account of a rural lady's near-captivity by a tollbooth.
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Counterfeit Cashier's Check Scam Hits Epidemic Proportions in U.SIndividual case history about the Internet counterfeit cashier's check scam sweeping the country.
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I'd Rather Be Driving a Hummer: How a Rollover Accident Helped Me Love Big CarsWry take on test-driving seven cars in five weeks.
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Car Rental Confusion: Adventures of the Rentally-ChallengedAmusing out-takes from the minor annoyances of renting a car.
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A Novice's Guide to Dry Trap SyndromeA satirical look at the unusual problem of dry trap syndrome
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What Not to Say to Your Mother in the HospitalFour grown sisters all seem to find the wrong things to say during pre-surgery visit with their mother
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What Would Mr. Thomas Crapper Think of Automatic Toilets?A humorous rant over the indignities of automatic flushing
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Soldier of Chocolate: The Battle of the (Valentine's Day) BulgeParodies fighting her chocolate addiction to joining bootcamp
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Challenges in Getting a Dishwasher InstalledSix-month dishwasher repair effort stretches from Thanksgiving to Valentine's Day makes for confusing relationship with repairman
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When Airbags Go BadWife draws the short straw when deciding who gets to drive the car with the faulty aribag to the dealership.
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My Encounter with a Party-Pooping TSA AgentSatirical look at tangle with impish TSA agent.
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Flushed with Frustration Over Home MaintenanceHumorous look at couple, both missing the handyman gene.
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An Open Letter to My New NeighborSatirical letter "unwelcoming" the new neighbor.
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Cruisin' for a Bruisin' on Holland America's ms VeendamBroken stateroom toilet just one of many glitches to ruin couple's 2nd cruise.
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New Airport Check-in Policies Leave Travelers Holding the BagSatirical look at new, less efficient luggage drop-off procedure at airports.
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Lying to the Cops: My New Year's Resolution is to Start Telling the Truth to Police OfficersNew Year's resolution to stop lying to Police officers.
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Attacked by a Bissell Vacuum: Did You Know They Come with a Free Concussion?Satirical look at how some vacuum vacuum cleaners bonk you in the back of the head when you're not looking. -
When Bicycling Turns into a GambleMiddle-aged bicyclists eschew the discomforts of biking for a cushy seat at the slot machine.
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New Year's Diet Resolution? Get Real!Full Year of diet and exercise in 2006 results in 9-pound weight gain.
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How to Properly Store and Not Care About Your Exercise EquipmentGuide on how to ignore your fitness equipment.