Thomas Cleveland Lane
I am a semi-retired freelance writer (willing to take on new clients). I work in local (Montgomery County, Md.) theater at the amateur and non-union level. When I don t have an onstage gig, I go to piano bars and annoy the patrons with my singing. I am also the author of the future (like, after I m dead and gone) cult classic book, Shaggy Dogs: A Collection of Not-So-Short Stories, the sales of which have heretofore been abysmal.
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- Contributor since
- 1/3/2009
Education/Experience
A.B., Kenyon CollegeInterests
history, theater, literature, politics, humor, poetry (Note: Profilee is the Doggerelist Laureate of America)Motto
Non pecunia loquat, sed iurat.
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The Truth Behind Those LimericksIn which your narrator tells it like it is about the world's most ubiquitous art form.
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Crazy Man BluesThis is an odd interpretation of the blues.
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A Tall Tale IndeedHow will the giants do this year?
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An Able Fable for the TableThere's an important lesson here...or maybe not.
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Medium-High CockamamieAs opposed to the serious, thought-provoking verse the poet has recently provided
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Coming Soon to a Zoo Near You (Part 1)Keep your ears peeled and your eyes crossed.
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Ellen Magellan’s Lucky DayLuck comes in many forms.
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Three Guys You May Have Heard OfA poem about a bunch of guys named Jack
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Objection, Your Honor: Unasked and UnansweredSerious questions for our frivolous times.
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My Hat is in the Ring!Credit where credit is due
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A Simple Poem for Leap YearA poem that will grow on you by leaps and bounds
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Mandolin PicksJust in case you were wondering...
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Reflections on a Daffodil Or, You Know, WhateverHigh cockamamie of no nutritional value
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Meet + Greet at the All-U-Can-EatA little stuff, a lot of nonsense
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A Case of Mistaken IndemnityMore deadly-serious poetry that could change your life
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Marabuntas En Los PantalonesJust a case of dance low-grade fever
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Run, Sarah, Run!We can only hope...
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First Draft of a Theme SongThat which never came to pass
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Have We Really Come This Far?A look beyond the latest Rush Limbaugh flap
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A Day in the Life of an Unknown PlanetOne part stuff to two parts nonsense
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Is 'The Office' Headed for the Finish Line?A vexing question for a top-notch show
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'2 Broke Girls' Does Better, Bad Party and AllThings go wrong for everybody but the audience.
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Thursday on 'The Mentalist' Would Have Been Tuesday on 'The Mickey Mouse Club'CBI's roll call, sound off now!
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'The Big Bang Theory' Takes Another Look at Penny and SheldonMore about the oddest couple on TV
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In 'Modern Family,' the Father Is Always the Last to KnowAll about secrets and lies...and love
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'Glee': More Drama, Less Music Still WorksMore yakkity-yak and less la-la-la, but it works.
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'2 Broke Girls' Takes a Cue From 'Spamalot'Sometimes too much is not enough.
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'Pan Am' Provides a Rousing Climax to SomethingThe end of a very, very brief era
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'The Office': How Will the Florida Adventure Play Out?A couple blasts from the past make things interesting.
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'The Mentalist' and an Argument Lisbon Should Have WonProof that even genius has its limits
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'The Big Bang Theory': Be Careful What You Bounce ForSheldon 'The Stilt' Cooper takes the court
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Amsterdam Who?A verse for our time; lots and lots of time
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Latest 'Glee' Was OK but Not 'Fantastick'Love is in the air; surprise, surprise!
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Addition and Subtraction Come to 'How I Met Your Mother'An episode with pluses and minuses, in more than one sense of the words.
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'2 Broke Girls' Sends Us a Funny ValentineAll about broken and mended hearts
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What's Ahead for 'Modern Family'?Stuff that is supposed to happen, later this season
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Is 'Pan Am' ABC's Redheaded Step Child?It's a hard-knock life in this corner of Disney's world.
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Far Ago and Long AwayA shameful waste of your valuable time
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Sheldon Channels Sam Cooke in 'The Big Bang Theory'What a wonderful world indeed.
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'Modern Family' and the Green-Eyed MonsterA show that was less than meets the eye
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'How I Met Your Mother' Throws a Wild PartyBig doings out in the burbs
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The Latest 'Glee'? No Vale La PenaDon't fail to miss this one, folks!
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'The Mentalist' Takes a Good, Hard Look at Red JohnThe chase resumes in earnest.
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'The Big Bang Theory' Goes a Little Over the TopYes, there can even be too much Sheldon.
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'Glee' Threads a Difficult NeedleSong, dance and romance, all in one package
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Will Mindy Kaling Be Leaving 'The Office'?More subtractions from the cast
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Odd Man Out 41Your chance to show off your new 2012 intellect
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Three Nice Tales from Just One 'Theory': "The Big Bang Theory" at its Best"The Big Bang Theory" at its best.
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'How I Met Your Mother' Stretches Out the SuspenseOn keeping the beans unspilled
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'Pan Am' Continues to Amuse and ConfuseThis is more about the network than the show.
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'The Mentalist' Opens a Long-Overdue Can of WormsMore than just wrapping up a case
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'The Office' Has Turned a CornerTaking the long view of Season 8
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'2 Broke Girls' Meet Their NeighborsThings get interesting overhead and across the hall.
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'Glee' Starts the New Year Off With a Wonderful EpisodeSome big changes in Lima, Ohio
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The Dzmc Apocrypha 22More common-sense straight talk from the Bard of Bohemia
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'Modern Family' Still One of Best Comedies This SeasonA timely reminder from the Hollywood Foreign Press
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'Pan Am,' the Red Menace, and the Green-Eyed MonsterIntrigue on many levels was afoot in the show's most recent episode
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'The Mentalist' Goes in for Trickery, a Little Too MuchToo much sizzle, not enough steak
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'TBBT' Reminds Us: Diamonds Are a Nerd's Best FriendSheldon and Amy manage to cope.
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'Glee' Makes Ready to Hit the Ground RunningBig doings for next Tuesday
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'Pan Am' Makes a Welcome but Imperfect LandingABC finally brings out one of its best for another look.
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'2 Broke Girls' and the Show That Didn't Pull Its WeightA rare miss from a hit show
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Can a Rerun of 'The Mentalist' Be Significant?The show makes an interesting choice for December 20th.
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6 Degrees of Amalgamation, #1The Kevin Bacon thing, without bacon or eggs
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'2 Broke Girls' Strikes a New Chord (and Several Matches)The most recent episode of the CBS comedy focused on the girls, perhaps even more than usual, and to good effect.
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'Glee' Wishes Us a Very Sappy ChristmasThat is to say, there have been better Christmas-themed shows this season.
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'The Office' Treats us to a Great Christmas PartyIt's a holly, jolly Christmas, even if Holly's in Colorado.
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'The Big Bang Theory' Phones One InThe most recent episode, 'The Speckerman Recurrence,' was just plain tired from start to finish.
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'Modern Family' Needs a Little Christmas NowThe Dunphys and the Pritchetts need to throw an early Christmas celebration of their own.
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New Directions Get More than they Deserve on 'Glee'Yes, it is once again time for sectionals. This time, though, there were a number of serious challenges, not the least of which was that the show choir did not deserve to win.
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'2 Broke Girls' Say Goodbye to a Close FriendNo more horsing around.
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'How I Met Your Mother' was Still Worth WatchingA standout episode in spite of itself.
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'Pan Am': Barn Burner or Scorched Earth?Sometimes it is hard to understand or support the ABC network. They have been too quick to pull the trigger on more quality television than all the other broadcast networks combined.
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'The Office' Introduces Us to Mrs. California and Auntie ClimaxNot such good news out of Scranton.
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Christmas, Long Ago and Far AwayA true tale of Christmas Eve
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Thanksgiving for '2 Broke Girls'Giving thanks somewhere in Brooklyn
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'Glee' Takes Us on a Very Bumpy RideThe most recent episode not only provided us with an hour of quality TV, but also answers to several questions that had been brewing for a while.
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Thanksgiving for 'The Big Bang Theory'Despite the show's Thursday night time slot, there was none. Perhaps that is just as well. There may have been a big donnybrook over which type of carry-out cuisine the group was going to order for that special day.
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Thanksgiving for 'How I Met Your Mother'This will be less about the episode that aired closest to Thanksgiving Day than it will be an observation of what, if anything, the characters have to be thankful for.
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'The Mentalist': What the Cast Can Be Thankful ForBlessings counted, hatched and unhatched.
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Why Has 'Big Bang' Made Such a Big Splash?A theory about "The Theory"
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'The Big Bang Theory': Twister, Comics, and Facebook 'Friends'"It'll have to do 'til the real thing comes along."
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'The Office' Strays for a Worthy CauseForget Pickett, this is Bernard's Charge!
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'The Mentalist': Jane Finds a Killer, but What Does Cho Find?Cops, drugs, hookers, dead people, the works.
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Should Celebrities Participate in OWS?Anne Hathaway takes to the street.
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Alex Returns to 'Modern Family,' and so Does FizboAfter three weeks of invisibility, consisting of two shows in which she did not appear, plus a rerun, Alex Dunphy finally made it into an episode.
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'Glee' Gets Not One, but Two High Marks for 'Mash Off''Glee' gets it right.
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'2 Broke Girls': Still Broke but Still Funny'2 Broke Girls' is, without question, the best thing that has happened to Monday night television since Sheldon Cooper and his friends.
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'Pan Am': An 'Unscheduled Departure' and a Scheduled OneStormy weather for our favorite bankrupt airline.
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'The Big Bang Theory' and the Further Adventures of Sheldon CooperJim Parsons leads the cast through four excellent episodes.
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'The Office' Comes Back StrongStarting in November, the show suddenly got a lot better with two excellent episodes in a row. That is something that hasn't happened to 'The Office' for quite a while.
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'Glee': It's Showtime at LastIt's the Sharks vs. the Jets vs. the Gleeks.
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'2 Broke Girls': If it is 'Broke,' Don't Fix ItEven if you do not follow this show, you should at least be aware of it. CBS promoted the stuffing out of it during the summer hiatus.
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'How I Met Your Mother': Barney Makes Some ChangesAn episode that is just ducky, and more.
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'Pan Am': For Goodness Sake, Watch This ShowSunday nights have become a bit more interesting.
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A Plea to All the Networks: Let's Take 'Fair and Balanced' SeriouslyA possibly unintended case of media bias
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Cam Plays it Straight in 'Modern Family'Cam and Mitchell lead the way in this week's craziness.
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'Glee' Returns to Weave a Tangled WebNo slushies, but plenty of locker slams.
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What was Fox Thinking?The kindest possible review of "Allen Gregory"
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Rising from a Shallow Grave, TMAS is Back!Picking up where a former contributor left off
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'The Mentalist' Fails to Deliver on Its Promise -- That's a Good ThingAgent Lisbon takes a turn in the spotlight.
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Homecoming for 'How I Met Your Mother' AlumniThink of this as 'The Twilight Zone' as a comedy.
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'The Office' Halloween Show: OK but Not GreatA strange and strained office party, to no one's surprise.
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'Modern Family' Rests for Halloween After Claire's Wild NightWhy some people should not be left alone and others should
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'Glee' Gets Ready to Pick Up Where it Left OffMan the brooms! It's the November sweeps!
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Keeping up with 'The Mentalist'In the short term, the CBI team had three murders to solve over those two episodes. In the long term, a couple of new developments arose, some real and tangible, and others of a more subtle nature.
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'How I Met Your Mother' Comes Through AgainThis episode may have been the funniest comedy, not only for the series this season, but the funniest one aired anywhere on network TV so far.
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Andy and Darryl Cope with Adversity in 'The Office'Tough times for two of the show's regulars
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Sights to SeeA look up and a look around
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Odd Man Out 40This month's long-overdue jar to your self-esteem
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'The Big Bang Theory' Breaks Some New GroundCBS's best comedy, literally, keeps rolling along.
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'Glee,' Warts and AllA look at the show's third episode this season.
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Two Couples Spice Up 'The Big Bang Theory'What follows is a tale of romance and the distinct lack of it.
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'The Mentalist' Rocks the Boat to Get on an Even KeelA very busy, almost too-busy, episode
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A Rare Look at 'The Office'"The Office" follows it's slow start with a pleasant surprise.
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'How I Met Your Mother' and Things that Begin with 'T'Who is being hustled as an interesting bet goes down?
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End of a SeasonA seasonal haiku
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'Glee' Takes a Risk That Pays OffThis episode kicks the show's third season into high gear.
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'The Office': Season 8 Comes Limping Out of the GateMichael Scott, come back; all is forgiven!
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'The Big Bang Theory' Rebounds with a FlourishOnce again CBS's funniest show lives up to its rep.
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Flawed Opener for 'The Mentalist' Still Worth a LookPatrick Jane faces the somewhat discordant music.
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'Glee' is Off and Running for Season 3An energetic start to an energetic show
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'How I Met Your Mother' Gets CBS's Season Off to a Flying StartHold on to your wigs and keys, but maybe not the remote.
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Class Warfare? so What If it Is?A close look at a very cynical cliche
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Why Death-Penalty Proponents Should Defend Troy DavisA look at a critical situation
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'Modern Family' Profile: Ty BurrellA look at the guy who plays Phil
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'The Mentalist' Profile: Robin TunneyA look at Patrick Jane's supposed boss
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Odd Man Out 39Time to don your thinking caps and cleats.
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My Time in the Army: Lessons Learned and UnlearnedA very distant look back at my service in the United States Army.
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After September 11: A Time of Moral ConfusionThe moral challenge of September 11
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'Glee' Profile: Cory MonteithA look behind Finn Hudson's character
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How Will 'The Office' Look in Season 8?There is ample ground for any number of plot twists as the show moves along from September to May.
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What's in Store for 'The Mentalist'?A look at an interesting new season.
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'How I Met Your Mother' Prepares for an Intriguing SeasonA look at our seven-year search for the mysterious Mrs. Mosby.
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What's Next for 'Modern Family'? Who Cares?A very amusing show gets ready for its third season.
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'Glee' Season 3: A Look ForwardMore rank speculation about Fox's big hit
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'TBBT' Season 5: Will a Big Bang Follow the Big Fizzle?"The Big Bang Theory" prepares for its fifth season
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Taxes, Jobs and All that RazzamatazzAn irreverent, but not necessarily irrelevant, look at our current situation
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'How I Met Your Mother' Profile: Jason SegelYah, sure, a look at our favorite Minnesotan.
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Say it Ain't So, Bruno: 'The Mentalist' Axes Two of its Best!A fine show takes an unfortunate step.
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'Modern Family' Profile: Sofia VergaraSofia Vergara plays Gloria Pritchett (formerly Gloria Delgado). She is Jay Pritchett's much-younger wife and the mother of a precocious, but strange, boy named Manny.
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'The Office' Profile: Andy BernardA look an Andy Bernard and the guy who plays him.
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'The Big Bang Theory' Profile: Kaley CuocoA closer look at the girl across the hall
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The Dzmc Apocrypha 21What, you mean there's more?
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Odd Man Out 38Oh, man, THIS again?
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Mitt Romney Shows Craven Cowardice Over the Debt DealThe front-runner takes an unfortunate position.
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'Glee' Profile: Lea MicheleA look at the diva in a crowd of divas.
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'The Mentalist' Profile: Owain YeomanSimon Baker is not the only member of the cast who hails from a land where they talk funny, but is able to fob himself off as a Yank. The same could be said of Owain Yeoman, who is a Welshman.
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'How I Met Your Mother' Profile: RobinRobin has a very interesting story, only one element of which matches the actor who plays her: they are both from Canada; Vancouver in Smulders' case.
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'The Big Bang Theory' Profile: Howard WolowitzA look at the show's least-educated geek.
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'Modern Family' Profile: Rico RodriguezA look at the young man who plays Manny on the show.
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'The Office' Profile: Jenna FischerA look at the person who really runs the office.
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PerspectiveOne haiku too many
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'Glee': Caps and Gowns Are Breaking Up the Old GangA look into the future of this show
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'How I Met Your Mother' Profile: Josh RadnorTurning the spotlight onto the narrator
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Nighttime JourneyFourteen syllables, then three more.
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'The Mentalist': Aunjanue Ellis and Pruitt Taylor VinceA look at two very interesting rivals.
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'The Big Bang Theory' Profile: Mayim BialikA look at Dr. Cooper's opposite number.
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'Modern Family' Profile: Eric StonestreetA look at Mitchell's bigger half.
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Billy Collins' "horoscopes for the Dead:" Buy This Book!An American Poet Laureate's latest collection
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'The Office' Profile: Rainn WilsonA look at Dwight Schrute and the guy who plays him
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My Favorite Novelist Today: Ken FollettA look at why Ken Follett deserves the top spot
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'Glee' Profile: Jayma MaysA look at the show's craziest redhead.
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Odd Man Out 37Time to show your vast treasure trove of knowledge
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A Few Thoughts About Our IndependenceA brief pause before the onset of the fireworks
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'The Mentalist' Profile: Amanda RighettiA look at Agent Grace Van Pelt
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The Whitey Bulger Trial Starts with a Damnable OutrageA highly questionable decision gets the Bulger trial off to a bad start.
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'Modern Family' Profile: Jesse Tyler FergusonStuff about Mitchell Pritchett and the guy who plays him
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'The Big Bang Theory' Profile: Jim ParsonsA look at TBBT's most eccentric eccentric
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Who's Running 'The Office,' Spader or Tate? How About Both?An update on the quest for the top job
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'How I Met Your Mother' Profile: Alyson HanniganA closer look at Lily
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'Modern Family' Profile: Sarah HylandA look at the artist currently known as Haley Dunphy.
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July 4, 2006: A Fun, Festive and Tuneful FourthA party to remember
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'The Mentalist' Profile: Tim KangA look at a character very different from Patrick Jane
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'The Big Bang Theory' Profile: Johnny GaleckiA look at the saner half of the Sheldon-Leonard duo.
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'Glee' Profile: Jane LynchA look at a "lynchpin" character in "Glee"
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Blockade Billy: An Excellent Short Read from Stephen KingOne of Stephen King's best recent works -
'˜How I Met Your Mother' Profile: Neil Patrick HarrisA look at the driving force behind Barney StinsonAlso published on:
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Insult to Injury: The Unemployed Need Not ApplyA sad truth about our jobless picture
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Schooling Handsome HarryA true tale from many summers ago
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Who Will Be the Boss on 'The Office'?As all the viewers who follow "The Office" know by now, the show's seventh season ended without the company having anointed a successor to Michael Scott or, technically, Deangelo Vickers (Will Farrell), who mysteriously disappeared from the picture.
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Odd Man Out 36This month's brain-taunter
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InuredAnother poem of summer
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What Will We See in 'Glee' Season 3?An attempt to sort through the coming chaos
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Where Does 'The Mentalist' Go from Here?What follows is a (possibly myopic) look into the crystal ball concerning the fates of Jane and Co.
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Favorite 'Modern Family' Quotes from Season 2The wit and wisdom of the entire cast
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'Modern Family' Closes on Jay's Very Busy Birthday'Modern Family' closed its second season with (sort of) a celebration of patriarch Jay Pritchett's birthday. As we might suspect, the day was very much in keeping with the overall tone of the show. That is to say, just about everything that could go wrong did.
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'The Office' Finale: Hey, It Wasn't That BadA look at the season-7 wrap-up.
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'Glee' Heads to New York in a Rousing FinaleThe second season of "Glee" comes to a close
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The Mentalist Ties Up Some Loose Ends, or Does He?A barn-burner of a season closer (in which no actual barns were injured)
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'Glee' Episode Full of ChangesAn excellent lead-in to a much-anticipated finale
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'The Big Bang Theory' Goes Out, Not with a Big Bang, but a WhimperA finale that is not so grand
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What's the Difference? #3Another questionable effort to dispel confusion
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Two D.C.-Area Leaders Arrested in Very Different CircumstancesHow the law worked for and against local leaders
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A Classy Wrap for 'How I Met Your Mother,' Season 6Which questions get answered and which do not
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'How I Met Your Mother' Reaches Another MilestoneTed finally deals with The Arcadia (and Zoey).
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Santana Says, 'Prom Sucks!': She's Not WrongMore sound and fury, signifying very little