Jetlag Democracy
Hi America, I'm a 2007 PZA winner. I write words in no particular, sometimes here, sometimes on the doors of bathroom stalls. My name is Lionel.
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puppies, bench clearing brawls, Neutral Milk Hotel, booze, cheese, Johnny Depp, heavy metal, weed, fantasy football, knives, sunsets, porn, Maine, Ween, Fraggle Rock, cannolis, true love, masquerade ballssdaMotto
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Prelude to My Night with Oscar: A Live Report from the Frontlines of the Barbara Walters SpecialA diary-style article about the famous Babara Walters pre-game show.
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Jetlag Democracy's Top Ten Oscars MomentsA top ten list of stuff that happened at the 79th Annual Academy Awards. Stuff, as in everything and anything. This is totally funny though. I would read it if I were you.
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Thursday Night is Must See TV AgainRemember the good old days of Friends and Seinfeld? Yeah, well those days are gone. They're gone forever. But we've got the next best thing… Earl and The Office. -
ESPN2's Cold Pizza: The Today Show ConnectionThe ESPN2 show has taken off ever since they changed the format about two years ago. -
Chad Pennington and the Jets: Making the Most of Low ExpectationsIt's a good time to be a Jets fan. If they lose, you expect it. If they win, you're ecstatic.
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Clinton and Osama Sitting in a Tree… Analysis of the Fox News Interview with Chris WallaceDid you see the Bill Clinton fiasco on Fox News Channel recently? What the hell was that all about? -
Good Charlotte Be Banging in the Clubs… What?Seriously, though, have you heard this new Good Charlotte song? It's called "Keep Your Hands Off My Girl". -
Liza Minnelli: A Violent Alcoholic with Herpes?Liza Minnelli, is more famous for her awful choice of husbands then any song and dance routine. But she took the wedding cake when she got married to David Gest. -
NFL on the Rocks: The Quaalude Quarterback Speaks, Volume 4I can't believe we're already a quarter of the way through the NFL season. It seems like I just watched the Dolphins and the Steelers in the Thursday night kick off game. -
Home Makeover Alert! the Top 3 Bathroom Decor ThemesOh you know me, I can't get enough of these home makeover alerts! And this is a special edition, because in this edition we're going to talk about the bathroom. Ooh, scandalous! -
John Mark Karr and the Rock Band KISS: The Hidden RelationshipAdmittedly, I am about to write a controversial article, but let me ask you this: what's more controversial… -
Home Makeover Alert! Fall Decorations for the OutsideSo, you're sitting at home, maybe in your underwear, and I think I know what you're thinking… You're thinking, "How am I going to decorate the house and yard this fall?" -
Home Makeover Alert! the Benefits of Double Decker RoomsSometimes I just feel the need to offer some really cool, and affordable, home makeover advice. -
Michael Jackson's Leprechaun-Themed Amusement Park on the Emerald IslePeople deal with troubling Michael Jackson news in two different ways. They either put on "Man in the Mirror" and forget about it or they prey that a wayward bus shakes hands with Michael Jackson's face. -
A Crucial Read for the Recreational Drug User - My Top 5 ListMy favorite drug list. -
Ranking the State Birds of the Original 13 ColoniesIt's the definitive list. What more can I say? -
Weight Loss Options That Fit Your Lifestyle #1I once described my body as a celery stalk covered in Silly Putty. I'm at once fat and skinny-I am that guy.
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The 5 Worst Jobs in AmericaI've wanted to do a �5 Worst Jobs' list for a long time. -
Overestimating Now: How the Futurists Got it Wrong, Part ONEDo you remember �Back to the Future 2'? And when I ask that question, don't be stupid and think about it in the context of today. Think about it in the context of then. -
Lou Diamond Phillips "Wife Beater" Mentality: The Direct Link to the Mother of Melissa Etheridge's ChildrenLou Diamond Phillips, the actor best known for his role in the movie �La Bamba', was recently arrested for domestic violence.
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The New Jersey Food and Wine Report, Vol. 1: The Best Bars in New Brunswick PART 1My prep work may have involved going out to New Jersey bars and getting drunk, and I probably would have done this anyway, but work is work, you know?
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The Best Cat Names EverAs I've made clear many times before (with an abundance of terrific articles) I love animals, especially cats.
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Attention All South Park Fans, See Every Episode for Free at Allsp.comI'm not sure about the legality of these free "viewing" sites but I am sure about their awesomeness.
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Beck Reinvents the Album with 'The Information'When I say, "Beck reinvents the album" I don't mean that he has actually "reinvented" the album. I mean, he hasn't invented some new, cosmic recording studio or anything.
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Bob Dylan Embraces New TechnologyLately, if you've been wondering, "Why is Bob Dylan doing everything in his power to make us forget that he's not Bob Dylan," well, you're not alone.
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The Madden Curse is RealThe Madden Curse is real. Believe it.
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The Best Exotic Pets: Ferrets, Piranhas, FalconsAn analysis of the best exotic pet purchases of all-time.
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Worst NFL Draft Mistake Ever? Debating the Houston Texans' Non-pick of Reggie BushThis move was so close to making Mel Kiper's head explode, it's not even funny.
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Fun Ideas for a "Killer" Halloween PartyIf you're like me, then you're totally hung up on your Halloween Party theme.
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The Ins and Outs of MySpace Music: Need-to-Know Info for Aspiring ArtistsI have recently begun to post my music on MySpace, and I've done so reluctantly and with plenty of fear.
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The Best Cigarette Brands EverI have been a longtime smoker for a long time. And yes, I am trying to quit.
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Keys to a Long-lasting Relationship from a Person Who Knows, PART ONEI've only had long-lasting relationships with women; a series of seven back-to-back long lasting relationships. I'm 25. I know what I'm taking about.
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Fun and Creative Pasta Salad RecipesGod, I love pasta salad. Not more than God, but a whole lot. There are so many little things you can do to spice up a good pasta salad recipe.
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The Steve Smith FactorThe prognosticators and talking heads of the sports world were in full force after the second week of the NFL season, as quick to write off Steve Smith and the 0-2 Panthers as they were in making them their Super Bowl pick
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How to Make Prank Phone Calls Funny and MemorableWhen I was a kid I used to play hooky from school just so I could make prank phone calls. True story.
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Ranking Wilco's Studio Albums…I am sort of surprised that the band Wilco hasn't become more popular
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The Best Television-themed Halloween CostumesBut I figured, while I'm at it and all, I might as well put my problem to good use and write another Halloween article. This one is based around the best television-themed Halloween costumes of all-time.
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The Top Dog Names EverI'm going to help you name your new pet; in this case, your new dog. Let's have some fun with this…
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The Most Underrated Albums of All-Time, Volume V: Pink Floyd - �Wish You Were Here'When people talk about the best Pink Floyd albums of all time, the first ones that come to mind are typically �Darkside of the Moon' and �The Wall' and, for the most part, I can't really argue with that...
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Frank Thomas: My MVPI'm not sure that he'll ever get the credit he deserves. Maybe after the comeback year he had this season, people will wake up and take notice because Frank Thomas deserves to be in the Hall of Fame.
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The Top 7 Halloween Costumes for DogsHere's another Halloween article. This one is called The Top 7 Halloween Costumes for Dogs.
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Nomar Garciaparra is Back and in the PlayoffsIn a sport shrouded by steroid controversies and primadonna stars, it's nice to see someone like Nomar Garciaparra make a strong comeback.
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The Lemonheads Return and the Perks of AOL MusicThere's a growing trend in popular music these days: the full album stream. And I must say that I'm down with it
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Chris Simms' Exploding Spleen: An Analysis of NFL Injuries and One Very Mysterious OrganWhen news of Chris Simms injury and emergency splenectomy spread, I did what most Americans did: I googled "spleen".
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The Best Baby Costumes for Your Baby This Halloween, BabyIs there anything cuter than a baby in a Halloween costume? I didn't think so.
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How to Make Terrific and Interesting Sock PuppetsThere are several different ways to attack the art that is known as "making sock puppets". In fact, the way you look at sock puppet production probably says a lot about how you look at the world.
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Jackass Number Two is a Number One Hit: Jetlag Democracy Tells You WhyAfter a $30 million dollar opening weekend, the second Jackass movie is the number one box office smash in America. As a society of sophisticated bipedals, is there anyway to justify this?
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Fall Fashion Report: What's In and What's OutIf you love my Home Makeover Alert! Than you will seriously dig this fashion special! It's the Fall Fashion Report! Ooh, I'm so excited (and I just can't hide it!). Let's do this thing, playgirl!
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The Most Underrated Albums of All Time, Volume IV: They Might Be Giants - 'Flood'The fourth installment in my "The Most Underrated Albums of All Time" series.
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The 5 Top Classic Videogames of All TimeNostalgia in the now.
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The NFL Presents Green Day and U2's New Orleans Tribute: A ReviewThe NFL is usually hit or miss when it comes to booking bands for pre-game and halftime shows, but they hit the nail on the head last weekend in New Orleans.
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Baseball Vs. Football: Past the Time for a Battle or a Battle for a Pastime?The oldest debate in the books. Right up there with Coke and Pepsi, Coke and whores and Chocolate and cheese
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Sunday Night Football: A Review of NBC's NFL CoverageOther than Pink's horrendous, Joan Jett Light opening song; I don't have too many problems with how NBC has covered these games.
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My Prediction's for NBC's Hit Show The OfficeI don't watch soap operas, though I may as well. NBC's "The Office" has basically become a soap opera.
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George Steinbrenner Finally Emerges: Has the Yankee General Been Sick?George Steinbrenner is a weird dude. Sure, as a Yankee fan, I appreciate all the money he spends on my team. I mean, how could you not? But those turtle necks? Clearly, the man has some issues.
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How to Get Skinny Girls when You're Fat and How to Get Fat Girls when You're Skinny, PART III've only had sex with two chunky girls and I have to say that, honestly, both occurrences are in my top five.
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Axel Rose Resurfaces…AgainI think this is the third or fourth time that I've featured Axel Rose in an article, but why not? The guy's as unpredictable as a caged tiger on acid. As long as he keeps reemerging and disappearing, he will always be a story- until he dies.
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Pardon the Interruption but Tony Kornheiser Stalls on Monday Night FootballBy blowing up Tony Kornheiser's spot with his Monday Night Football promotion, they've (ESPN) jeopardized their neat little afternoon show.
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The Top 5 Pop Culture Halloween Costumes for 2006The first of many Halloween related articles.
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Boxers Vs. Briefs: A Psychological Consumer Study, Part IIWhen I was a kid I was raised up with briefs, underwear, tighty whiteys. It was a rough time in America in the early 80's; we all did what we could.
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The Top 5 NFL MalcontentsA list of the five worst.
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Seven Ideas for New Sushi RecipesI like coming up with wacky ideas for sushi recipes. I feel this is an arena that hasn't been adequately tapped yet.
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Oprah to Sue the Man Who Wants to Make Her PresidentSo Oprah Winfrey has this fan that wants her to be president. And that's a little weird, there's no denying that. But perhaps the more crazy thing with this story is that Oprah is suing him.
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NFL on the Rocks: The Quaalude Quarterback Speaks, Volume 3Ah, week 3. It's getting to that point in the NFL season where you feel like you know the teams well enough to start the really heavy gambling...
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�Weird' Al Returns with Hilarious Fake Rap Song: What Year is This?Like I've always said, "A world without �Weird' Al Yankovic is not a world I want to live in."
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The U.N. Is Great: Our Villains Take the Stage in New York City to Mixed ReviewsLast week was quite the spectacle in the greatest city in the world (New York, sorry Boise). And I'm not talking about the drama that went down during the "Fashion Week" festivities. I'm talking about the Parade of Villains at the United Nations.
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Nirvana's 'Nevermind': 15 Years Later'Nevermind' is 15 years old. More than anything, this fact makes me feel old. I wanted to do something to commemorate this Anniversary of sorts, so I decided to write a song-by-song tribute article.
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A Rare Thumbs Up to Wal-Mart for Making Their Employees Lives a Little BetterWal-Mart Stores Inc., facing pressure from critics who call its employee health care coverage inadequate, plans to begin selling nearly 300 generic prescription drugs for a sharply reduced price of $4 for a month's supply.
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The Cruel Curse of Football Sundays and the Redemption of Flavor FlavAt 12:45 in the morning I was still seriously depressed; just channel surfing, looking for any show that wasn't football related. I clicked on VH1, Flavor of Love 2 was on and I tuned in just in time for the clock ceremony.
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Fun & Creative Ideas for Your Kid's Next Birthday PartySo you're hung up on what kind of birthday party to throw for your child. Maybe you're working on a budget, maybe you're just indecisive. Whatever it may be, don't worry.
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Just Another Day in America: Racist Abortion Kidnap Plot FoiledA Maine couple accused of tying up their 19-year-old daughter, throwing her in their car and driving her out of state to get an abortion were upset because the baby's father is black, a Maine sheriff said Tuesday.
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Roll-on Deodorant vs Spray Deodorant: A Psychological Consumer Study Part II was spraying toxic fumes under my arms and squeezing the bloody life out my testicles on a daily basis.
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Home Makeover Alert! Creative Ways to Use Old Lampshades"Hmmm, what can I do with all those old lampshades, just sitting in the basement collecting dust like a bunch of cute dust bunnies and all?"
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The Cruel Curse of (Fantasy) Football Sundays and the Redemption of Flavor Flav, PART I: The NFL is Back or Why My Hair is Falling OutI woke up this morning (the first Monday of football season) with a painful, sinking feeling in my heart and a horrendous, ass-stinking taste in my mouth.
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Tiger Woods, His Hot Wife Elin Nordegren and Irish Porn Link ProtestsTiger Woods turned a fairly soft news story into a full on media event when he addressed a Dublin report about pornography websites using images of his wife as links to their porn homepages.
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Has Saturday Night Live Finally Gone to Pot or Has it Not Been Funny in Years?Coming off one of the worst seasons in the history of Saturday Night Live, in my opinion anyway, Lorne Michaels and co. have just announced that the two funniest cast members won't be coming back.
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Derek Jeter Vs. Alex Rodriguez: A Fictional Death Match in the BronxTom Verducci's landmark Sports Illustrated cover story on New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez has it the fan like shit.
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The Top Slow Songs in High School Dance HistoryI was scouring the web the other day, searching for this and that, and I realized that there is no definitive list featuring the best slow songs in high school dance history. This shocked me.
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A Beginners Guide to Experimental Film in AmericaI encourage anyone who loves film to check out the artists that I am about to mention further if any of this interests you.
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Edge on the Cardinals, Cardinals on the Edge: Tales from the NFL's Cursed FranchiseTwo of the biggest questions of this young NFL season has been, "What the hell is wrong with Edgerrin James?" and, perhaps more importantly, "Are the Cardinals a cursed franchise?" These are really good queries, let's get into them…
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Bored at Work? Check Out the Best Sites for Free GamingAt some point over the years I have become obsessed with online gaming.
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Major League Baseball's MVP & Cy Young Winners Will Be… Part Two: The American LeagueEveryone on TV and sports talk radio loves to pontificate about the possible Cy Young and MVP winners in the National and American Leagues and I, predictably, am no different.
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Major League Baseball's MVP & Cy Young Winners Will Be… Part One: The National LeagueEveryone on TV and sports talk radio loves to pontificate about the possible Cy Young and MVP winners in the National and American Leagues and I, predictably, am no different.
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The New York Yankees Post Season PreviewIn the anxious weeks leading up to the 2006 Major League Baseball playoffs, I am here to offer Yankee fans across the nation a look at what the lineup, pitching rotation and roster should look like.
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The Top 7 Football SnacksDon't forget the most commonly overlooked aspect of the football experience: The Snacks.
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The King of Kooky Cooks Speaks: 2 Exotic Tuna Salad RecipesBelieve it or not, I am actually quite the cook. I am an inventive cook is what I am. I like to come up with kooky recipes and then write articles about them.
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Four Great Fall Family Day Trips in North JerseyI get about a million calls every day from people asking, "Jetlag Democracy, now that autumn is here, I really want to take my family on a fun day trip, but I can't figure out where to go? You know New Jersey like the back of your hand...
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The Top 7 Fast Food RestaurantsI can't believe that I haven't written this article yet, because A) I love fast food and B) I'm running out of things to write about.
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Terry Cashman's "Talkin' Baseball" CD: Best Album Ever?Talk about trying to capitalize on your one 25-year-old semi-hit. Terry Cashman is a lot of things, most of which I have no idea about. But what I do know about Terry Cashman is that he loves baseball.
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The Top Four Entertainment and Pop Culture BlogsAre you in search of some fast, informative news on movies, music and television, or maybe just celebrity and pop culture gossip in general, then look no further. I've got the only four links that you'll ever need (or until better ones come along).
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Eli or Peyton? the Great NFL Manning DebateWho IS the better Manning, is it little brother Eli or the old master Peyton, maybe oldest brother Cooper will sweep in like a vulture and steal the title from both of them. You never know.
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Blind Confidence or Skeptical Charisma: Which Attitude Works in the Business World?Well, what if I were to tell you that your attitude, that your personality is the most important factor when it comes down to landing a sweet job in the business world. Would that be something you might be interested in hearing more about?
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Suggestions for Interesting, Homemade Centerpieces at Your Next Dinner PartyIs there anything worse than hosting a dinner party without a good centerpiece on the dining room table? Come on, is there?
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MTV's Next : The Last Great Reality Dating Show?My addiction to reality television is not only horribly embarrassing; it's totally detrimental to my mental health. It's like heroin in that way. I know that it's bad for me yet I can't stop taking it.
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The Top 6 Nursery Rhymes to Sing to Your NewbornSo you're expecting a baby. Congratulations, reproduction is truly one of God's miracles. I hope your new bundle of joy is healthy and happy.
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Pissing on the Real Life �Field of Dreams': A True StoryAs cynical as I am, there aren't too many days when I really feel that American society is crumbling under my feet. Today was not one of those times
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The 2006 Elections: Everybody Hates Everything and Why Nothing Will ChangeBush and co. will say "9/11" and "terror" enough times that Middle America will assume we're not safe and they'll come out in droves to elect or re-elect the Republicans.
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The Sad and Mysterious Death of Anna Nicole Smith's SonDoctors and authorities have already declared Daniel's death "suspicious" and charges could be filed very soon.
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Ranking the 8 Planets: Now that Pluto's Out, It's Time to Do Some Celestial CleaningAt first, I was terribly sad that Pluto was getting the nix in terms of planetdom. Nine was such a good number; I don't really know why they had to go changing things.
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NFL on the Rocks: The Quaalude Quarterback Speaks, Vol. 2At this point, I actually think that ESPN's Sean Salisbury just picks Carolina every year without even thinking about it.
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Elton John and George Michael Kiss and Make Up and Have Hot Man Sex (Not Really)Elton John and George Michael ended their three-decade-old feud recently when it was announced that they had kissed and made up.
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ESPN's "The Fantasy Show" is like a Half Hour Pit Bull Attack to the BallsThere is nothing greater in terms of "totally frustrating yet amazingly rewarding" fun than fantasy football. And now there's finally a show out there that can equal the real life hysteria that's consuming the entire world
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Dog the Bounty Hunter is Arrested in Honolulu! Millions of Rapists Roam FreeWhat's the deal with this Dog the Bounty Hunter fellow?
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An Ann Richards Tribute ArticleLook, I'm not trying to say that Ann Richards was this, or Ann Richards was that.
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The Reverse Popeye Effect: How Spinach Changed the Way We Look at E-Coli and the WorldI'm talking about was either September 14th or 15th. The day our spinach contracted the dreaded and deadly E-coli virus.
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Being Justin TimberblakeIt's been too long since my last Justin Timberlake article. I'm practically ripping at the seams with queries, comments and lauding; my mind feels funny too.
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The Curse of A-Rod and Why the Yankees HAVE to Win the World SeriesDo you know how many World Series Titles the Yankees have won since acquiring coveted shortstop and converted third baseman Alex Rodriguez before the 2004 season?
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Afghan Opium Production Soars Again…What This Means 4 YouWhy has the war of terror superseded the war on drugs when the two are so clearly linked?
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Madonna in Space: The Most Confusing News of the Month?That's right, Madonna is heading to the International Space Station on a Russian rocket ship. Wait…what?
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How to Get Skinny Girls when You're Fat: Part 1I have had the absolute privilege of being fat and skinny at various points of my young adult life.
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El Nino Returns: What to Expect when You're Expecting El NinoI really wasn't too keen on the old Nino in the first place. But this return is like the announcement of Rocky VI, it's not that surprising but it's totally unwelcome.
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YouTube Update: Lonelygirl15 and Funtwo Take OffOh YouTube.com, where have you been all my life? You're like the girl of my dreams. You show me thinks I want to see, You tell me things I want to hear, You never talk when I don't want you to, You're perfect, You're YouTube, You really are the best!
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This Real Life "Bionic Woman" Got Me Thinking…What's Next?The bionic arm is real people; what year is this? 2023? 3012?
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Bluegill Fish Fights Terrorism and Keeps Water Supplies SafeA type of fish so common that practically every American kid who ever dropped a fishing line and a bobber into a pond has probably caught one is being enlisted in the fight against terrorism.
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Home Makeover Alert! Hot New Fall Colors for Happily Horny HomesHello! I'm back again with another Home Makeover Alert! Fall is here and I am so ready to help you make over your home?
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Willie Nelson - Busted in Louisiana for Pot and �ShroomsToday was a sad day in American history. Today was the day that Willie Nelson was busted on fairly serious drug charges.
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Let's Not Change Our Lifestyle for Al QaedaJetlag Democracy's Top 5 Reasons Why Americans SHOULDN'T Convert to Islam.
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The Top Ten Songs by NirvanaA list of the top ten songs of all time. In this article: Nirvana.
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The 4 Most Underrated TV ChicksSelf-explanatory list article. Very funny. Very.
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Frampton Comes Alive (Again) with a Little Help from Some Stones and SoundgardenRemember Peter Frampton?
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Political Update: Colin Powell's Letter to George Bush and the Groucho Marx Judge of Saddam's Silly Little TrialSomething about the Genesis Conventions, I don't know, I think it has something to do with Genesis from The Real World: Boston
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Jane Fonda and Lindsay Lohan: The Beginning of a Nasty Feud or Just a Little Helpful Counsel?Was Hanoi Jane wrong here?
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Homophobic Democrats and the Curse of the 1,000-Dollar Man-Cher in Atlantic CityEver since the Great Gay Governor Scandal of 2004, you know, the one involving Democrat Jim "So I was sleeping with the unqualified male intern who I made homeland security adviser" McGreevy...
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The Mel Gibson Saga, Chapter 3: Apocolypto is ComingWell, they finally released the trailer for Mel Gibson's new snuff film, I mean movie.
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The Top Ten Songs by the BeatlesThe best songs of all time. In this article: The Beatles.
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The Top Ten Songs by WeezerThe best songs of all time. In this article: Weezer.
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The Top Ten Songs by Led ZeppelinThe best songs of all time. In this article: Led Zeppelin.
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Introducing Joe Cullen: Best NFL Coach Ever?Detroit Lions assistant coach Joe Cullen has encountered legal trouble for, among other things, allegedly driving without clothes.
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Jeter and the Yanks Keep Rolling (Big Papi Be Damned)How about those New York Yankees, my team, the team that's been compared to the Nazis in �Raiders of the Lost Arc', the most vilified sports franchise on earth; I said, how about those Yankees?
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Fidel Castro Hosts the What is a Terrorist? Summit in CubaThe main point of this Summit is to redefine the term �terrorist' so that it includes America's actions in Iraq and Israel's in Lebanon and etc., etc.
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Girls Gone Wild: Creator Joe Francis Pled GuiltyAt this point, �Girls Gone Wild' is a household brand right?
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Death of a President: The Birth of a Controversy""Death of a President" uses the morally dubious tactic of mixing real news footage with staged events to create an imagined assassination of President Bush."
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The Top 5 Celebrity Mug Shots of All TimeIs there anything better than a good celebrity mug shot?
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Air Force Chief to Test Weapons on American Public...Wait, What?Non-lethal weapons such as high-power microwave devices should be used on American citizens in crowd-control situations before being used on the battlefield, the Air Force secretary said Tuesday.
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I've Seen Enough… Thoughts on the Start of the 2006 NFL SeasonA roundup of everything you need to know about the NFL from a fan's perspective.
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ABC's Dancing with the Stars 3: A Cast Analysis for DummiesComments and odds on all 11 contestants of ABC's hit show Dancing with the Stars.
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The Top Ten Songs by WeenA list of the greatest songs ever written. In this article: Ween.
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Pet Cruelty of the Highest Degree: Camden Country Cracks Down on Evil LandlordMore than 400 animal cruelty and disorderly persons charges were filed yesterday against the landlords of a Camden County strip mall where animal protection officers claim 106 creatures were left unattended in a pet shop closed for a week.
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The Great Breastfeeding Debate Heats Up in HobokenThe great breastfeeding debate is not an isolated Hoboken thing. It is a quandary of international importance. Is it offensive? Is it natural? Who's to say?
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Sucking the Life Out of the Juice: An OJ Simpson UpdateMaybe Fred Goldman has a book coming out in a couple of months and he needed to warm up the media machine with a little OJ-slandering news.
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Fear the Scarlet Knights: Rutgers Football Has Arrived (This is Not a Joke Article)Has there been a bigger joke in college football over the last two decades than the Rutgers Scarlet Knights? Please tell me if I'm wrong here.
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James Frey Update: A Million Little LawsuitsI'm not trying to defend James Frey, far from it actually. Anybody who makes up a bunch of stories and throws them in a "memoir" is pretty much a low-life idiot whose fiction isn't good enough to sell itself in the first place.
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Osama Bin Laden is Obsessed with Whitney Houston or Why I Can Finally Die in Peace 2I started to wonder what other members of, what I'll call The Psychotic Elite listened to, from a pop music standpoint.
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Pandas of America, Unite! Tips for Panda Mating Tactics in the Confines of US ZoosPandas need aphrodisiacs too.
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The Paris Hilton Saga, Chapter 37I can sum up the totality of America's social problems with one sentence: Paris Hilton's DUI arrest constituted national news.
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The Johnny Depp and Metallica Fallout or the Merits of Assaulting Someone Online, PART ONE: To the Fans of Johnny Depp…The author finally responds to his harshest critics, part one of two.
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College Football Special: One Ounce Blunts + Gun Charges = One Game SuspensionsI can't really sit here and listen to all this analysis concerning Mack Brown and the "great" job he did by suspending his star cornerback Tarell Brown for one game.
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9/11… 5 Years Later: Jetlag Democracy's State of the Union AddressMy "State of the Union" address (whatever that means).
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John Mayer Takes a Trip on Jessica Simpson's BodyPop star John Mayer has been linked romantically to everybody's favorite divorcee, Jessica Simpson.
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Osama Bin Laden is Obsessed with Whitney Houston or Why I Can Finally Die in PeaceHow obsessed is Osama bin Laden with Whitney Houston? How about "willing to kill Bobby Brown" obsessed. Not Bobby!
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Oprah Vs. Angelina Jolie: Charity Snub or is that Satan's Tummy Growling?What is this world coming to? When even Oprah starts overestimating Angelina Jolie's love of Africa, you know we've got some serious problems.
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Tiger Woods' Streak: Par for the Golfshow FreakcourseUmm, I watch golf. This isn't easy for me to admit.
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Rodapova: Andy Roddick and Maria Sharapova ARE the Next Big ThingRodapova is soon to be the next huge, one word Internet/publicity goldmine in the great tradition of such previous paparazzi wunderkinds like Tomkat, Brangelina and, who could forget the one that started it all, Bennifer.
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Turn Your Trash into the Treasure of People Who Aren't You with EBay and CraigslistDo you ever wake up and feel that all the random stuff in your life is smothering you? Do you feel like Steve McQueen in "The Blob"?
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The Deplorable Team: U.S.A. Basketball Hits Rock BottomI never thought I'd see the day when a new incarnation of the U.S.A. Basketball Team would take a collective dump on the Dream Team's legacy. It makes me sick.
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Japan's New Royal Son Will Have a Mustache that Rivals the New York Yankees And, More Importantly, His Own Father, Prince AkishinoPrince Akishino, the glorious, mustachioed King in waiting and his beautiful, hairless wife, the luscious Princess Kiko have indeed given birth to a nameless baby boy...
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Al Gore at the Video Music Awards or How Lost is MTV?On the year MTV celebrates their 25th Anniversary, they put together a stinker of a show that draws half the viewership they had just two years ago
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New Moview Previews: The Good German, Children of Men and MorePart four of my BIG four part series called Jetlag Democracy's BIG Fall Movie Preview.
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Andre Agassi's Farewell: American Sure Does Love a Good Man-crySo the match ends and then it happens. Agassi starts balling his eyes out.
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New Movie Previews: Borat, Flushed Away and OthersPart three of my BIG four part series called Jetlag Democracy's BIG Fall Movie Preview.
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BIG Fall Movie Previews: The Black Dahlia and Other New FilmsPart one of my BIG four part series called Jetlag Democracy's BIG Fall Movie Preview.
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Fall Movie Previews: Little Children, The Departed and OthersPart two of my BIG four part series called Jetlag Democracy's BIG Fall Movie Preview.
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Ryan Howard's Drive Toward 62 Homeruns is Nice but MeaninglessThe rage on sports talk shows, radio and television alike, is the new post-steroid homerun record debate. Jetlag Democracy offers his opinion.
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Will the USA Execute Their Own Soldiers?I was shocked by this story. And from a guy who gets most of his news from dailyrotten.com, that's saying a lot.
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Heath Trends for Trendy Men: Goji Berries Are the New SteakMadonna, Liz Hurley and Mischa Burton (just to name a few!) have been singing their praises for years.
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Warren Steed Jeffs's Steez… Too Wild 4 Even Me?Oh yes, America loves a good underage sex story. And this one is hella juicy.
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Has Fantasy Football Become Bigger Than the NFL?By the time this article goes to digital print, Week One of the NFL season will have already been played. At which point, I can only hope that each of my three fantasy teams are all 1-0.
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Steve Irwin's Death is Irony Personified: A Different Kind of Crocodile Hunter TributeThe death of Steve Irwin, AKA the Crocodile Hunter, was the most ironic passing of all time.
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Rosie O'Donnell, Meredith Viera, and Katie Couric Play Musical ChairsThis is an article about the Today Show, The View and the CBS Evening News.
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The Bucky Phillips Story: The Coolest (Potential) Serial Killer You've Never Heard ofIt is not my intention to glorify serial killers, much. I also don't advocate the killing of cops either. Unless of course they have guns and there pointed at you and you don't want to die (what else are you supposed to do?)
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Conspiracy in Iraq: The Marine Rape and Slay ScandalI can't really offer you any real facts concerning this very real rape and murder scandal involving our real Marines in the extremely real Iraqi War. I can't do this because it makes me sick to do research on said topic.
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Life in Connecticut Will Never Be the Same: The Joe Lieberman StoryOne Senator loses his party's nomination and the political masses on both sides try to use the story as a galvanizing weapon of partisan destruction? Sounds like a load of malarkey to me.
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Matt Leinart is a JerkHollywood Matt Leinart is a total jerk***
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Petfinder.com: An Incredible Resource to Help Adopt a PetThere's a giant pet store inside your computer and it's called Petfinder.com. Petfinder.com is an extraordinary resource; one that any person looking for a pet should use.
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Death Toll Figure Approaches Temperature in California Heat WaveThere is a major problem. And not just a "a major problem because a lot of people are dying right now" kind of problem.
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The (New) Doll Test and Some Thoughts on the Coming Race Riots, 21st Century EditionKiri Davis is a 17-year-old film student at Manhattan's Urban Academy and it was her 8-minute documentary that produced all the fervor around this long dismissed debate. Read on.
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Postpartum Dads: The Complexion of the ComplexPostpartum depression might be very real, how would I know? Look, this isn't about the inequality of the sexes.
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Britney Spears Has Been Destroyed by K-Fed's Mind GamesHow far? How far godamnit? How far will former American sweetheart, Britney Spears, fall? I long for the days when it was okay to be sassy, wear a Catholic school girl skirt and trick the world into thinking you're a virgin.
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MTV's Wedding Curse: Three Celebrity Couples Bite the DustBecause If I counted all the people who broke up after meeting on Singled Out, well, we'd be here all day.
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9/11 Proofs: The National Shame, Part IThe National Collector's Mint is one of the most despicable organizations to emerge from a country that is, perhaps, best known for its disgusting corporations and the vile, soul-sucking-extortionist mentality of those conglomerate's brass.
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Conspiracy Theories for the Improvement of the USA by Jetlag Democracy, Part III'd like to talk about the legal limit, as in the legal blood alcohol level for humans operating automobiles.
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Finally, the New York Knicks Are Dead to MeWell, they finally did it. Isaiah Thomas and company have finally killed my basketball spirit.
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Paris Hilton's Gone Celibate? No WayThis article is actually an in-depth sociological study on the importance (or lack thereof) of Paris Hilton, her right to exist if you will. Does she have the right to exist?
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Conspiracy Theory Alert! 3 Days Earlier: The Little Known Precursor to the Foiled Terrorist Attacks of August 10thEvery once in a while there comes a time when a writer, a fine writer at that, is presented with information that he just can't sit on anymore, a time when he needs to stop reading about conspiracy theories and start creating his own.
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Junk Science Detractors of the Sweaty Mat: Does the WWE Cause Teen Violence?Junk science is one of those neat little hyper-cultural references that refers to something super specific and totally meaningless at the same time.
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President Bush and Bush the Band: It's the Little Things that Kill MeI enjoy the music of the band Bush much more than I enjoy anything that comes out of the mouth of our President Bush. Doesn't everyone?
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The Alaska Pipeline is a Tube of DespairI can allude to hypothetical black polar bears all day, just watch me. It's not hard to do. They're big, they're black and they don't exist. They prove a point that I can't articulate.
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This Business with the Devil, Part III: Kirk Cameron and the Coming RaptureEverybody's got an opinion about the devil, and 99% of them are not good.
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The Snuggle Factor: The Sexual Revolution is Here, PART IIIIf there's one thing I've learned after years of lovemaking it's this: snuggling is so underrated Welcome, to the second installment of My Scintillating Guide to Safe and Super Sex. In this episode I'd like to talk about snuggling.
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Conspiracy Theories for the Improvement of the USA by Jetlag Democracy, Part IYou know what I want to do? I want to start an organization called "Life to Right," meaning: I am going to spend every second of my life trying to make things right.
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World Trade Center: Movie Review and so Much MoreA movie review and some other thoughs about Oliver Stone's World Trade Center.
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Profiles of Influential People (Who You've Never Heard Of)A little while back I saw this Queen Noor lady on Larry King Live and I thought to myself, this girl looks American.
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Sifting Through the Rubble: The Value of Conspiracy TheoriesI have a vague love for conspiracy theories that doesn't really go beyond my typing of sentences like this, but what the hell, let's go with this.
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Harry Potter's Naked RideStraight from the frontlines of slightly pedophilic, icon exploits, comes this gem about the one and only Daniel Radcliffe, more familiar to you and I of course as the young chap who has portrayed Harry Potter in all four Harry Potter movies.
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Kournikova vs Sharapova: A Match Between Tennis Players or Sex Kitten Athletes?Maria Sharapova is a good tennis player. Obviously, this is not breaking news.
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Embedded Assholes: CNN's John Roberts and Anderson "Mole" Cooper Get Their War onA horrible trend was started with the Iraq War: the embedded reporter phenomenon. I hate these smug, jerk-off, faux-journalistic, manure-news jockeys.
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Arab League's "Death Star" and the Awesome Power of YouTube.comFrom YouTube to Yahoo videos, this clip is all over the dangerous faux-world that we call the internet.
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Al Qaeda: The Invisible Enemy, PART IVThis is the fourth and final installment of my famous and well read series, Al Qaeda: The Invisible Enemy.