Manic Motherhood
Laurie Sontag writes under the nom de blog, Manic Motherhood. She's been a columnist for California newspapers since 2001. She is also a parenting guru on Yahoo! Shine, which should scare everyone on the planet since she still trying to figure out the whole parenting thing. Find her on Facebook at facebook.com/manicmotherhood or hanging at her blog http://lauriesontag.com
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Displaying Results 1 - 101 (of 101) for All Content
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Parenting Guru: I don't plan my summersI had my son signed up for multiple camps before the first spring flowers had bloomed. I had each week meticulously planned. I had camps. I had vacations. Heck, I even planned spontaneous park days. (Yeah, that’s more difficult to do than you think.)
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Parenting Guru: Are we all bullies?When we stand by and do nothing while someone bullies another, are we bullies, too? Is it just as bad to watch a bully in action, then walk away as it is to be the bully? Or are we safer that way?
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Parenting Guru: Got fairytales?Their lives were charmed and happy. Despite being royalty, they weren’t rich, but they had friends and family and fun. And then one day, the princess awoke on a bright, sunshine morning and thought, “something is missing from this castle.”
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Parenting Guru: Food and love and kitchen firesI am a kitchen disaster. I have started fires – yes, real fires – in kitchens since I was 9 years old.
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Parenting Guru: Resisting Halloween candy is futileThis is the worst time of the year for me. Oh, it's not the ghosts and goblins that seem to pop up in front of every house in my neighborhood. And it's not the witches and vampires and princesses that will be coming to my door soon.
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Parenting Guru: Kids sue mom for "bad mothering"In today's news of the stupid, ridiculous and weird, we have the case of Kimberly Garrity. Kimberly was sued by her children, Steven Miner, II (23) and Kathryn Miner (20) for bad mothering.
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Parenting Guru: Summer surprises from my goofy dadThis is my father. This is not a typical picture of my father. First, he's not a big hat guy. Second, I didn't know he knew who Goofy was. Turns out, he does know Goofy. And it turns out, he likes to pretend he is Goofy.
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Parenting Guru: I don't want summer to endI was just getting used to summer when I realized that it's nearly over. Suddenly my mailbox is flooded with notices from the school. Pick up this! Pay for that! Practice now! And I face the undeniable reality.
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Parenting Guru: My child hated waterI love the water. I love to swim. I grew up swimming. We lived all over the place - usually somewhere warm - and always had a pool. My husband swam competitively in middle and high school. Our big plans when our son came along included moving to a house in a better school district, with a pool.
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Parenting Guru: Road trip with the familyFamilies and road trips are summer. Oh come on, we've all done the road trip from hell at least once. Or, if you are like my family, you do a road trip from hell at least once a year, sometimes twice because honestly? We're not the brightest crayons in the box. Anyway, this is the tale of a road tri
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Parenting Guru: Driver's Ed...why isn't it scary anymore?Today's teens have it made. Don't believe me? Check out driver's education. I'm telling you, the whole thing has changed from back in the day. Why, when I went to driver's ed, we had to actually attend a class.
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Parenting Guru: How not to campI do not camp.
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Parenting Guru: Waiting in the carpool lineI don't know how this happened, but apparently I have amassed over a million hours sitting in the carpool line. Seriously. Oh sure, you think I'm exaggerating, but sadly, I'm not. Okay, fine. I am. Maybe it just seems like a million hours. But I did I read online that the average parent spends 3 yea
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Parenting Guru: Ear piercing and letting the boy become a manI've been having a bit of an internal struggle. Well, maybe not entirely internal, since I tend to either blog about my feelings or scream about them. But anyway, I'm having a bit of a struggle. Specifically, I am struggling with allowing my baby to grow up. And yes, I am well aware that my baby is
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Parenting Guru: Thank you, teachers and coachesDear Teachers and Coaches,
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Parenting Guru: A tale of icky store behaviorHere on Shine we discuss parenting a lot. Many of those discussions involve the behavior of kids in public places, like stores. And truthfully, I've been in a lot of stores. And I've seen a lot of kids at their worst…and some parents too. Usually I don't say anything, because honestly, I have been
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Parenting Guru: Spring Break? What Spring Break?The minute I woke up, I knew it was going to be one of those days.
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Parenting Guru: Aurgh! My son has one of my annoying traitsBeing a parent isn't for the faint of heart. For most of us, it's the most difficult job we've ever come to love. And I think I speak for many of us when I say that we had absolutely no idea what we were doing when we signed on for it.
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Parenting Guru: Who's your Tooth Fairy?When I was a little girl, I stumbled upon the biggest secret of all time. And until now, I have kept that secret.
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Parenting Guru: A Decade of Parenting...and Some World EventsAt the end of the year, I like to look back and wave goodbye to all the stuff that happened. Yes, I'm usually drinking champagne when I do that. Anyway, it occurred to me that this year was actually the end of the first ten years of the new millennium. So I thought I'd wave goodbye to all of them wi
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A Holiday TailSo here's the deal. My name is Kirby and I am the main dog in the Manic Motherhood household (sure there's another dog, but she's not what you might call intelligent). Anyway, from time to time, I hijack the female human's blog. I'm helping her, really. Look, wouldn't you try to help out? The woman
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User post: Holiday Photos, the Good, the Bad, the FakedIt is officially the holiday season (and when I say "official" I actually mean that it's December, rather than July which is when all the stores would like you to think the holiday season begins). Anyway, besides the fact that it is December, I know that it is officially the holiday season because I
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Parenting Guru: It's the Thought that CountsIt's the most wonderful time of the year…unless you are a stressed-out parent searching for this year's must-have holiday toy. Oh, don't deny it. We've all been that mom. The mom who frantically searches stores and stands in queues at 4 AM and does internet searches for that one, hot, perfect toy
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User post: Rescued by the Yard DutyAs I walked through the campus of the local elementary school the other day, I was mistaken for a hero. Or heroine. Or perhaps a rule enforcer. Well, I was mistaken for someone else, let's put it that way.
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The Fine Art of Turkey SelectionThanksgiving is approaching and, as usual, I am hosting family and friends. I've done this for a few years and honestly? After all this time you'd think I'd be better at it, right? Sadly, no. I still can't cook and I really still can't make a turkey.
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Parenting Guru: Thank you, boobs[Editor's note: This month, Shine Parenting Gurus were asked to write about a moment over the last year that they are genuinely thankful for, whether that was a good time with their family, or a more difficult experience that made reflect upon their lives in a new way.]
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Parenting Fails, According to a TeenagerNow that my son is a fully-fledged teenager in high school and everything, he's starting to be annoyed by me. I don't understand why. I mean, I was once a teen myself, and I'm sure I'm a lot less annoying than my mom ever was. Of course, Junior doesn't believe me. If you ask him, I was born an adult
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User post: How to awaken a teenagerWhen you first become a parent, nobody tells you that the tiny, cute, little baby in your arms will someday grow up to be a teenager. Oh sure, we all expect it to happen, but seriously, are any of us fully prepared for the teen years?
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Why yes, I am covered in poop. And here's why."Some days you are the statue, some days you are the pigeon."
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Parenting Guru: One Hot Family TraditionEvery family has traditions-whether it's Friday night pizza or helping at a soup kitchen, we all have something we love to do with our families.
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Teenage Wasteland? Or Just the Fridge?Now that Junior is a teenager I have discovered that teen boys do one thing really, really well.
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How I Spent my Summer VacationSummer is almost over-so I spent some time today tallying up my summer of 2010.
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Vacations with Grandma or How I Drove Myself CrazyHave you ever done something you know will be long, torturous and yet fun all at the same time? I have. I vacationed with my mother. I should have been warned when my Dad and husband suddenly had to "work" and couldn't possibly get away for a week with us. At the time, I figured they just wanted a v
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Teen Room or Hazardous Waste Site?If you have a teenager, you know love. Seriously, as the mom of a teen, I love the smart mouth, the stink, and the fact that he's now taller than me and thinks that makes him in charge. But what I really love is that my house can now be declared an official hazardous waste site.
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Hurray for Sparklers!When I was a kid, the 4th of July was all about the sparklers. I didn't care about the hot dogs, the homemade fried chicken or even the potato salad. I didn't care about the huge block party we had every year. I didn't even care about decorating my bike for our parade-even though I was positive that
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Happy Graduation, kiddo."Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."
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Parenting for dummies (or just for me)Recently, someone asked me for advice on raising kids. She did this with a straight face. I mean, anyone who knows Junior will understand that I am not one to give guidance on this subject. But, for what it's worth, here is my repertoire of child-rearing advice. Please note this is humor. If you don
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Hello? Why am I Repeating Myself? Why am I Repeating Myself? Hello?The other day I realized that I repeat everything I say. Everything. And I usually repeat it about fifty times before I realize that I'm saying the same thing over and over and over again.
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California Teens Sent Home for Wearing US Flag ShirtsAuthor's Note: Most of you know me as Manic Motherhood, author of a humor blog. But one of the hats I wear is as a journalist for the Examiner.com. This article stems from an incident in the tiny town a few minutes from my own tiny town. I'm reprinting it here to see what all you feel about it. I wi
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Momisms: Did Your Mom Say This too?When I was growing up, my mom had a stock of phrases she would yell at us. My sisters and I thought they were unique-but we came to realize that they weren't, mainly because we compared notes with our friends and they were hearing the same "momisms."
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What Mother's Day Means to MeSince I've become a mother, I've realized the importance of Mother's Day. I mean, I always did something nice for my Mom before, but I never fully understood what a wonderful invention Mother's Day is.
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Warning: Teenager AheadAuthor's Note: This is humor. I love my son. I complain about my son. He's awesome and wonderful, but when you live with a teen, it's best to blow off steam when the teen isn't around.
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Lessons from a kid: How to be a tightwadMy son is a tightwad.
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Things I've Learned From MotherhoodI have my mother and my grandmother to thank for making me a mom. I know that sounds impossible-but if it weren't for their love and guidance, I'd be a sniveling mess of a mother with a child running wild in the streets. That's because my mom and my grandmother have always been there for me. They've
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User post: The horrors of teen shavingThe other day, my 14-year old son asked me if he should shave the tiny, blond mustache that is barely visible on his upper lip. I said no. Actually, I yelled it. Now, I know that seems like an extreme reaction. But you have to understand that we have had bad shaving experiences in my house.Take the
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The Mom OlympicsI've dreamt of Olympic glory since I was a kid. In my dreams, I stand on the podium, accept my gold medal proudly and place my hand over my heart while the national anthem plays. Now, in my dream I never actually perform any athletic feats of brilliance to earn the medal. This is probably because I
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If it's January it Must be Mom's Swimsuit SeasonSomething happens in January that I hate with a passion. Oh, it's not the whole "new year, new calendar" thing. Although, if you must know, I did forget to get a calendar until two weeks ago. Do you know what was left in the calendar section? Yes, "12 Months of Cats" or-and I'm not joking here-"Porn
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What is the Deal with Kids and Elevators?Have you ever noticed how obsessed kids are about elevators? Seriously. There isn't a child on the planet who can walk into a building, see the elevator and NOT ask to ride in it. It's like a Disneyland E-ticket ride, only without Mickey ears or an entrance fee.
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Year in review...from the brain of a busy momDespite the fact that I cannot usually remember what happened on last week's episode of "Real Housewives," I have worked my tuschy off to compile an exhaustive list of the most important happenings in 2009. Don't thank me. It's a public service. Really.
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Cutting Down The Christmas TreeMy family has survived a holiday tradition. We have cut down our Christmas tree.
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How Not to Write a Holiday NewsletterDear Friends and Family,
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'Twas the Night Before ThanksgivingWith apologies to the original and to its author (either Clement C. Moore or Henry Livingston, Jr., the authorship is apparently disputed) I present "'Twas the Night Before Thanksgiving," as seen through the eyes of my son.
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Just Another New Moon"Three things cannot be hidden: the sun, the moon and the truth." Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism
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Spring forward? Fall back? Does anyone know?I hate Daylight Saving Time. Okay, I do love summer nights when it doesn't get dark until late. But I swear, a raving lunatic invented this time change stuff. Who else would think it was convenient to change the time by an hour every six months? I mean, please. Find a time you like and stick to it.
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Halloween Candy: Trick or Treat?You know from time to time I get to use this blog to perform a great public service. Okay, maybe not a great public service, but a public service nonetheless. And what, you may ask is this public service I'm about to perform?
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Catalog Kids: Aliens in Your MailboxA strange thing happened to me the other day. I opened my mailbox and discovered that aliens had taken over. Trust me, they're in your mailbox too. In fact, you've probably already brought the aliens into your home-and you may have already recycled them.
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Sports Parents: The Good, the Bad and the UglyEvery fall, children across the planet do one thing: try out for sports teams. And once those kids make the team, ordinary parents, the kind that help with homework, kiss boo-boos, give advice to the lovelorn and in general are pretty nice people, morph into that dreaded creature known to coaches ar
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Keeping Love Alive (um, Yeah, Sort of)So my wedding anniversary is coming up and that always makes me reflect on our marriage. I take an afternoon and think about what we've done in the previous year to keep the romance alive and what we should do in the coming year to preserve the beauty of our love forever. And then I create a handmad
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Manic Motherhood: Got Germs?I was once a healthy adult. Oh, sure, once in a great while I'd get a cold or the flu. But back in the day, it was rare for me to be under the weather. So rare, in fact, that I usually had to feign illness just to use up my sick days.
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Manic Motherhood: Where are all the #$%^ sweatshirts?I don't know about you, but I have sweatshirt issues. Specifically, I have a child who owns several sweatshirts-all of which have disappeared. Now I ask you-where the heck are they? Are they on vacation? Is there a special "sweatshirt-only" resort in the South Pacific where all the little sweatshirt
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Manic Motherhood: Um, Where do Babies Come From?As a mom, I spend a lot of time answering questions on everything from "boogers are green-why don't they count as a veggie" to "where do babies come from?" And frankly, I prefer to answer questions about boogers.
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Manic Motherhood: Who Turned me Into the Laundry Fairy?I hate laundry. It never ends. Even if a miracle occurred and I finished all the laundry in the house, someone would walk in covered with mud and grass stains, strip off their clothes and toss them in the hamper, thereby creating a new load of laundry to do.
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Manic Motherhood: The Mouse, The Mojito and MeI'm not a big fan of critters. Oh, I get along well with the domesticated ones-you know, the husband, the kid and the dog. But I'm not good with anything wild like animals that live in the great outdoors for the express purpose of terrorizing me. In fact, saying I don't get along with them is kind o
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Manic Motherhood: If it's Labor Day, You Must be Camping...Or CrazyLabor Day is nearly here and you know what that means. Yes, we must stop wearing white shoes-although to be honest I've been never stopped. Does anyone really stop wearing white shoes just because of an arbitrary date on a calendar? That aside, to me, what Labor Day really means is that summer is ne
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Manic Motherhood: Listening to the Voices in My HeadI'm just doing what the voices in my head tell me to do…
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Manic Motherhood: How I Spent My Summer VacationI don't know about you, but for me this is the last week before school starts. And I swear to you, it should be illegal to be this happy. And because I am so very, very happy, I decided this blog entry should be that terrific school standby, "how I spent my summer vacation." We took a trip to Texas
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Manic Motherhood: Family Vacations are not for the Faint of HeartAbout once a year, hubby and I like to do this thing we call "the family vacation." I don't know if you've ever taken a family vacation, but trust me when I say that if there's family involved, it isn't really a vacation.
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Manic Motherhood: Warning: Exercising with Teen is Hazardous to Your HealthThis summer I decided to do some monumentally stupid. I joined a gym with my son, Junior. Now, I really thought this would be a good thing. After all Junior has wanted to join a gym for a year or so. And frankly, my butt is the size of a small naval vessel so I probably could use a workout or two. O
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Manic Motherhood: My Name is Laurie and I'm Addicted to FacebookDear Friends and Family,
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Manic Motherhood:Air Conditioning is Your FriendDuring summer, my family has an exciting and challenging game we play. This game is called "Keeping the House Cool During a Heat Wave While Not Using the Air Conditioner." I hate this game with a passion equaled only by my love for shoes.
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Manic Motherhood: How to Speak "Dad"You know, when I was growing up, we had momisms-sayings my mom yelled at us over and over. Of course, Dad was an equal partner in the parenting, so we had dadisms yelled at us as well. So for Father's Day, I put together a list of my Dad's Greatest Hits and my rebuttals. Because you know, I'm an adu
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Manic Motherhood: Communication 101Recently a study from Northwestern University revealed that girls have a built-in neurological advantage over boys in that girls have better use of language. I swear, the people conducting the research had to have been a bunch of men raised on a deserted island who have never, ever talked to a femal
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Manic Motherhood: Summer Camp for Real KidsIt's nearly summer. And moms all over the country are running around trying to do one thing-put their children in summer camp. Now, they have summer camps for practically everything. There are science camps, rocket camps, sports camps, horse camps, Barbie hair styling camps-the list could go on fore
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Manic Motherhood: Revenge of the Porta-PottiesI'm going to tell you all right now that I don't do construction. And by that I mean, I don't like doing it, I don't like being around when it's done and frankly, just thinking about construction pretty much turns me into a big, old cranky-pants. I think it's because I really, really hate change.
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Manic Motherhood - My Parents Went to Texas and All I Got Was...I'll preface this by saying I love my parents. Unfortunately, Mom and Dad recently retired and apparently, they left behind their brains and common sense to travel the country in their RV. Their plan was to spend the rest of their lives exploring the country. In the summers, the grandkids would join
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Manic Motherhood: OMG, Kids Can Talk 2 Each Other W/O Texting? No way!Recently, residents of my small California town suffered a crisis of major proportions. Some idiots cut the fiber optic cable thingies that provide us with the essentials for human life. Yeah, the cable was out. And so were the phones. Even cell phones had no service. And the Internet? Well, it was
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Manic Motherhood: Motherly Advice We Can All Use...MaybeRecently, my mom moved to another state. Now, I don't think it was because of my sisters and I, but honestly, it's difficult to tell. But this Mother's Day will be the first where I don't sit with mom, have brunch and make nice with my sisters. So, in honor of my mom here's some advice from her that
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Manic Motherhood: Diary of a Spring Break Gone WildFrom the journal of Manic Motherhood:
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Manic Motherhood: The Man Who Cleaned Too MuchA German woman has divorced her husband because she was sick and tired of him cleaning all the time. Now I ask you-what the heck is wrong with that woman? Is she insane? Who does that? Does she even know what I would give to have anyone-man, woman, child, alien creature from Mars-come and clean my h
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Manic Motherhood: The Taxman Cometh...And Parenthood Needs More DeductionsAnother April 15 is here-and I still don't understand taxes. Oh, I get the part about contributing to the running of our government-but there are so many rules. At last count, there's like 40 billion rules about taxes. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration-but not by much. And I don't think anyone-aliv
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Manic Motherhood: Rites of Spring, or Why Does My Fat Migrate?Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. You know those days-everyone has them. No matter what you do, the day is doomed to stink. Unfortunately, science has been unable to find a cause for those days; they're just a mystery.
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Manic Motherhood: Spring has Sprung...the Science Fair is OverSpring has sprung, the grass has riz, I wonder where Junior's science fair project is.
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Manic Motherhood: What's Up With the Brobag, Dude?After several years of living and breathing on this planet, I have discovered something momentous. Men are afraid of purses. I mean truly, deeply, horrifyingly afraid. In fact, I have a theory that men are more afraid of purses than they are of man-eating lions. Or getting bit by a cobra. Or of bein
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Manic Motherhood: Dog training for a real dummyA few weeks ago, we decided that sadly, we had failed in training our dog. And by "we," I mean me. Of course there is a silver lining to this-while Kirby may not be trained, she's actually done a fantastic job of training me.
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User post: Chris Brown is NOT a Role ModelSo all over the middle school my son attends is the whole Chris Brown beat down on Rihanna. Allegedly, Brown beat the holy crap out of his girlfriend, choked her until she nearly passed out, threatened her and then abandoned her when she pretended to call an assistant.
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Baby, You are So Fine...They say a dog is man's best friend-but I don't believe that for one minute. I know-I really KNOW-that man's best friend is the word "fine."
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Things That Make You go "Plink"This morning my body went plink.
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Avoiding Housework is an Inherited SkillThe other day I discovered something so horrifying I believe it may have just challenged my belief in…well I don't know what it challenged because frankly nothing can challenge my core belief which is that a good purse and a fabulous haircut can get you anywhere in life, but let's just say what I
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Dear Abby, Boys Stink!Okay, so today I'm reading my newspaper (again, I like to read the actual paper with newsprint). Anyway, I read a column that appears every day-I don't want to name names, but it begins with "Dear" and ends with, er, "Abby." So a woman writes in asking for advice because her 9-year old son refuses t
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With 14 You Get...Crazy?Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
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Valentine's Day for the RecessionI'll be the first to admit that Valentine's Day hasn't always been high on my list of favored holidays. All that hearts and flowers stuff just didn't do it for me. But after a while, it's difficult to resist the allure of a day where you get to eat tons of chocolate and drink champagne. Seriously, w
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Dressing the Dog and Other Signs of InsanityI'm having a horrible day. Really. Just a terrible, terrible day. You see, this morning I came to the horrifying realization that I am doing something I swore I would never do. And it's really something awful. Well, not hide-the-body-and-hope-the-the-police-don't-find-it-awful, but awful nonetheless
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No Rehab for Rock Band AddictionDear Neighbors,
